100+ Best 'The Umbrella Academy' Quotes from the Netflix Series

Luther Hargreeves (about Reginald): He's an alien.

Klaus Hargreeves: We're trying not to use that kinda terminology here. And I know, it's whoa PC, but you could just say he's... British.

Luther Hargreeves: No, no! I mean, he's a real alien. He's like a... bug person from another planet.

Klaus Hargreeves: Why would you put pineapple on a pizza?

Luther Hargreeves: You know, when you think about it, we are just tiny specks of sand in a desert full of other sand.

Klaus Hargreeves: I mean, it's a garnish for cocktails, at best.

Luther Hargreeves: And that's inside solar systems. Inside deserts of galaxies.

Klaus Hargreeves: I guess the real question to ask is, why is it on my pizza!?

Luther Hargreeves: I... I don't understand. (Reginald stabs him) Dad...

Reginald Hargreeves: There's an old saying, Luther. The best way to bring a family together is at a wedding or a funeral. We tried the one. Now it's time for the other.

Allison Hargreeves: We've all been through a lot. We've all lost people. (looks at Five) Mannequins... But their deaths have to mean something. Which is why I'll be voting to go with Dad.

Number Five: Think about it. When has the old man ever been straight with us?

Luther Hargreeves: I don't know. He was ruthless in our performance reviews.

Number Five: He always gave me five stars.

Luther Hargreeves: Really?

Luther Hargreeves: Wasn't me or Sloane. We were, uh, busy doing other things last night.

Number Five: Yeah, I get it, Luther. Thank you. Everyone was boning everyone last night.

Luther Hargreeves: Wait, Ben hooked up with someone?

Number Five: Focus, please.

Number Five: I saw something last night that I was not supposed to see.

Luther Hargreeves: Diego and Lila. Yeah, they do it on the stairs sometimes.

Number Five: No, I saw Dad. He was in his room with someone. He was making some kind of deal. Before you ask, I don't know what the deal was or who it was with. Everything is a blur.

(Everyone cheers when Five walks in...)

Diego Hargreeves: That speech last night! Wow!

Lila Pitts: Brought me to tears, you big softy.

Viktor Hargreeves: I especially liked when you referred to us as a family bound by destiny and love.

Number Five: Okay. Enough. It was the booze talking. In the light of day, you're all still deplorable.

Ben Hargreeves: Why don't you like me?

Klaus Hargreeves: Because you're a huge puckering a**hole.

Ben Hargreeves: Okay, but you like the other Ben.

Klaus Hargreeves: Yeah, we love the other Ben.

Ben Hargreeves: Why? What was so special about him?

Klaus Hargreeves: Because he was a know-it-all. He was a scold. He was a tiny dark cloud on a perfect sunny day.

Ben Hargreeves: Those... Those are all bad things.

Klaus Hargreeves: Yeah, but they looked great on him.

Klaus Hargreeves (about his dad): He helped me conquer my childhood fears. We played catch together.

Luther Hargreeves: Wait. You played catch with Dad?

Sloane Hargreeves: Really?

Klaus Hargreeves: Yeah, we call it bus-ball, but that's kind of our thing.

Lila Pitts (about Diego): Klaus, don't even think about going over there and filling his empty head with bad ideas.

(Luther and Sloane are getting married...)

Klaus Hargreeves: I pronounce you married as sh*t! Viva la apocalypse!

Number Five (watching the first dance): This is officially worse than the apocalypse.

Sloane Hargreeves: You care more about being invited to the bachelor party than you do Fei or the others. Or even saving the world.

Ben Hargreeves: That... That's... That's crazy.

Sloane Hargreeves: Is it? You and I, we've never been alone. It's always been the seven of us. Now it's just you. So congratulations, Ben. You're finally Number One of one.

Number Five: The universe is disappearing outside. So you can keep rearranging the deck chairs of the Titanic if it makes you feel better. But the fact remains that we are too late.

Number Five (to Viktor): If you ever need anything, I'm always here for you. But lie to us again... Viktor, I'll kill you myself.

Title:	The Umbrella Academy
Format:	TV Series
Genres:	Action, Adventure, Comedy, Drama, Fantasy, Sci-Fi
Produced by:	Netflix
Release Date:	February 15, 2019

Character	Played by
Allison Hargreeves	Emmy Raver-Lampman
Ben Hargreeves	Justin H. Min
Diego Hargreeves	David Castañeda
Klaus Hargreeves	Robert Sheehan
Lila Pitts	Ritu Arya
Luther Hargreeves	Tom Hopper
Number Five	Aidan Gallagher
Reginald Hargreeves	Colm Feore
Viktor Hargreeves	Elliot Page

The Umbrella Academy Quotes

Latest quotes added:

Info

Synopsis / Summary

More from the Blog

Characters / Cast

Navigation

Info

Scattered Quotes