Vanya Hargreeves: I don't deserve to live. I killed Pogo. I almost killed Allison. I destroyed the world. I'm a monster.
Ben Hargreeves: Dad treated you like a bomb before you ever were one. He was... so scared of your power, he never let you use it. Drugged you up, kept you numb for years. That's messed up, Vanya. No wonder you couldn't control it. Dad couldn't handle your anger. That doesn't mean you can't. And maybe you have a right to be pissed off and sad and messed up, but... it's a shitty world full of shitty people sometimes. You aren't a monster. You're my sister. And right now, our siblings are risking everything out there trying to save you. You aren't alone at the table anymore, Vanya. You can do this.
Klaus Hargreeves: I mean, who in this room knows shit about relationships? This one? In secret love with some farm Frau.
Vanya Hargreeves: Her name's Sissy.
Klaus Hargreeves: Which is an improvement on her previous love interest, the serial killer.
Vanya Hargreeves: What!?
Klaus Hargreeves: Meanwhile, I'm carrying a torch...
Allison Hargreeves (to Vanya): Later.
Klaus Hargreeves: For a soldier I haven't technically met yet, and Luther is in love with his sister.
Allison Hargreeves: Okay, again, we are not biological.
Klaus Hargreeves: Face it, the healthiest long-term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin. The only thing the Umbrella Academy knows about love... is how to screw it up.
Luther Hargreeves: How you feeling?
Vanya Hargreeves: Pretty shitty, to be honest.
Diego Hargreeves: Where would you say you are on a scale from one to... ending all life on this planet?
Vanya Hargreeves: Really?
Luther Hargreeves: Diego, put the knife away, you idiot. She's fine.
Diego Hargreeves: The last time I saw this one, she had me suspended midair, sucking the life out of me with energy tentacles. I think I'm allowed a little time to process.
Elliott: Oh, I would love to see an energy tentacle.
Vanya Hargreeves: I can't help you, Five. I don't even know who I am.
Number Five: You're our sister. And a member of the Umbrella Academy. Like it or not, that's who you are.
Vanya Hargreeves: Look, that's who I was, okay? New timeline, new me.
Number Five: No, that's not how it work... (Vanya drives off and Luther gives him the finger) Wonder if it's too late to be un-adopted.
Number Five: When I jumped forward and got stuck in the future, do you know what I found?
Vanya Hargreeves: No.
Number Five: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. As far as I could tell, I was the last person left alive. I never figured out what killed the human race, but... I did find something else. The date it happens. The world ends in eight days, and I have no idea how to stop it.
Luther Hargreeves: How long were you there?
Number Five: Forty-five years. Give or take.
Luther Hargreeves: So what are you saying? That you're 58?
Number Five: No, my consciousness is 58. Apparently, my body is now 13 again.
Vanya Hargreeves: Wait, how does that even work?
Number Five: Delores kept saying the equations were off. Eh. Bet she's laughing now.