The Umbrella Academy Quotes

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Number Five (to Viktor): You're very dangerous, Viktor Hargreeves. The decisions you make impact the entire world. So no matter how benevolent they may seem, you don't get to make them alone. You know what they call a superhero who works alone and doesn't listen to anybody? A villain.

Number Five: Little advice from someone who's been there? Don't do the math. That equation does not exist. There's no "save five Harlans for every two Claires" formula. People like us, we will never save enough lives to make up for the ones that we take.

Viktor Hargreeves: I don't accept that.

Number Five: Then you'll drown. This is the price of being powerful. Sometimes we step on ants.

Reginald Hargreeves (to Klaus): In any timeline, I am simply far too brilliant a teacher to have left you so untutored. Conclusion, it was no accident. I made you children feel small, confused about your own powers so that I could control you.

Lila Pitts (to Allison): Maybe you're feeling everything all at once, and it all just kind of cancels out.

Reginald Hargreeves: A man is not a man until he slays the demons of his youth.

Klaus Hargreeves: Oh yeah. Good one, Obi-Wang, but my demons are literal.

Reginald Hargreeves: When you're fast enough to catch this ball, you will have succeeded.

Klaus Hargreeves: Why not? Okay. But just so you know, I have the hand-eye coordination of a drunk kitten.

Klaus Hargreeves: What I'm saying is, you were a terrible father.

Reginald Hargreeves: Yes. Picked that up. Thank you.

Klaus Hargreeves: Good.

Reginald Hargreeves: High time I made it up to you. Starting now.

Klaus Hargreeves: You just murdered me and stuffed me in the trunk of your car. I have notes, Dad.

Reginald Hargreeves: Let's not quibble over details.

Reginald Hargreeves: What do we like to do together? For fun.

Klaus Hargreeves: I don't understand the question.

Reginald Hargreeves: Didn't we take any family trips in your timeline?

Klaus Hargreeves: With our dad? Hell no. That guy put the "dick" in dictator.

Diego Hargreeves: Are you insane?!

Lila Pitts: Uh, we met in an asylum.

Reginald Hargreeves: Everything is fascinating ever since you weaned me off those damned pills. I'd like to return the favor. Help you to understand who you really are. Would you like that?

Klaus Hargreeves: There's nothing I'd like more. Other than a probiotic yogurt that doesn't make me fart.

Reginald Hargreeves: You've grown too attached, my old friend. Lost your objectivity.

Pogo: And you've grown so detached, you've lost your humanity.

Reginald Hargreeves: What humanity?

Reginald Hargreeves: We never know what we're truly capable of until we're forced to confront our own extinction.

Pogo (to the Sparows): Just because something is right in front of you does not mean... It is within reach. There is always something in the way. Sometimes it is your opponent. Sometimes it is yourself.

Lila Pitts (to Stan): Now you are gonna take all this back to where you got it. And next time you steal, I expect it to be something valuable. (to Diego): Honestly, we need to set higher expectations.

(Diego and Stan are dragging dead Klaus rolled in a carpet...)

Diego Hargreeves: Uh... yeah, we're, uh, playing a game.

Chet Rodo: What's it called?

Diego Hargreeves: Guy in a Carpet.

Chet Rodo: I hope you win. (leaves)

Diego Hargreeves: Klaus was right. I love this place.

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