Number Five: You're not supposed to exist in close proximity to yourself in the same timeline. The side effects can be disastrous.
Luther Hargreeves: Side effects? What sort of side effects?
Number Five: Well, according to Commission Handbook Chapter 27, subsection 3b, the seven stages in paradox psychosis are... stage one: denial, two: itching, three: extreme thirst and urination, four: excessive gas, five: acute paranoia, six: uncontrolled perspiration, and seven: homicidal rage.
Luther Hargreeves: We don't belong here. We have to go back.
Allison Hargreeves: I don't know if I can.
Luther Hargreeves: Allison... we're different than everyone else. We're special. And good or bad, that means we don't get to live normal lives. Here or anywhere.
Allison Hargreeves: It's not fair.
Luther Hargreeves: I know. But we have to risk everything to save everything. I mean, that's our best trait as a family, right?
Allison Hargreeves: What? Recklessness?
Luther Hargreeves: Hope.
Luther Hargreeves: Look, maybe trying to stop doomsday is exactly what starts it. Did you ever think of that?
Diego Hargreeves: Oh, so we do nothing? Since when are you a quitter?
Luther Hargreeves: Since the last time I destroyed the world by overestimating my own importance.
Diego Hargreeves: So this is about you never living up to the old man's expectations bullshit, huh?
Luther Hargreeves: Maybe. I don't know, I mean, we're all crazy where Dad's concerned.
Diego Hargreeves: Oh, I'm not. He's an asshole. I'm awesome. That's very simple.
Luther Hargreeves: How you feeling?
Vanya Hargreeves: Pretty shitty, to be honest.
Diego Hargreeves: Where would you say you are on a scale from one to... ending all life on this planet?
Vanya Hargreeves: Really?
Luther Hargreeves: Diego, put the knife away, you idiot. She's fine.
Diego Hargreeves: The last time I saw this one, she had me suspended midair, sucking the life out of me with energy tentacles. I think I'm allowed a little time to process.
Elliott: Oh, I would love to see an energy tentacle.
Dancer: I'm more worried about the kid.
Luther Hargreeves: What kid?
Dancer: By the stage. I told him we don't allow minors.
Luther Hargreeves: Oh, yeah? And what'd he say?
Dancer: He asked what time I was getting off work. (laughs)
(Luther goes to the stage...)
Luther Hargreeves (to Five): She's too young for you.
Number Five: Nice to see you too, Luther.
Number Five: We use my ability to time travel. But this time, I'll take you with me.
Diego Hargreeves: You can do that?
Number Five: I don't know. I've never tried it before.
Diego Hargreeves: What's the worst that can happen?
Number Five: You're lookin' at it. A 58-year-old man inside a child's body, so there's that.
Diego Hargreeves: Oh, what the hell? I'm in.
Klaus Hargreeves: Yeah, whatever. I'm in.
Luther Hargreeves: Me too. Allison? (she nodds yes) What about Ben? (Ben nodds yes too)
Klaus Hargreeves: Great, yeah, he's in.
Number Five: So, the apocalypse is in three days. The only chance we have to save our world is, well, us.
Luther Hargreeves: The Umbrella Academy.
Number Five: Yeah, but with me, obviously. So if y'all don't get your sideshow acts together and get over yourselves, we're screwed. Who cares if Dad messed us up? Are we gonna let that define us?
Luther Hargreeves: You think you're better than us. You always have. Even when we were kids. But the truth is, you're just as messed up as the rest of us. We're all you have. And you know it.
Number Five: I don't think that I'm better than you, Number One. I know I am. I've done unimaginable things, things you couldn't even comprehend.
Luther Hargreeves: Right.
Number Five: Just to get back here and save you all.