Mark Naird: Help me defy an order.
Adrian Mallory: Ooh. That is where I shine. I've been defying authority since I was 13. And now I'm gonna teach you to use the most subversive weapon known to man: passive-aggression.
Mark Naird: Oh, God, I hate that.
Adrian Mallory: Yeah, of course, because you're a straight white male, you always had other weapons. But the rest of us, we have to be subtle in our disobedience, or we risk punishment.
Mark Naird: Oh, so interesting. Go on. I'm so interested.
Adrian Mallory: No, see, that's sarcasm. That's different. Imagine in this situation, you could say that you're following through with the order, but then you forget to, or you can interpret that order creatively. "Destroy the bathroom" could mean a number of things and, if all else fails, you can feign incompetent, which shouldn't be a problem.
Mark Naird: Well, that explains Brad, doesn't it?
Adrian Mallory: Not entirely.
Adrian Mallory: The next resupply can't launch for a month, so... hopefully, they'll have the time to cool off before the guns show up.
Mark Naird: Yeah.
Mark Naird: Captain Ali, I'd like you to look in locker 5.
Angela Ali: It says "spare oxygen."
Mark Naird: Just open it. (It's full of guns)
Obie Hanrahan: Okay, but we do have spare oxygen somewhere, right?
Mark Naird: Look, this happened in space, so the response must be in space as well. I have consulted a space attorney.
Dabney Shramm: What the f**k?
Chief of Naval Operations: There's no such thing. You got scammed.
Louis Biffoont: Now who's the dope?
Mark Naird: We signed an international outer space treaty. Any sort of violence and we break that treaty.
John Bladsmith: We need to hit back hard.
Kick Grabaston: We can bomb. Big bomb, little bomb. Smart bomb, stupid bomb. There's one for every occasion.
Mark Naird: A flag is a symbol. You can't kill people for insulting a symbol.
Dabney Shramm: If it were up to me, we'd invade. I'm talking some serious bull-in-a-China shop action. Let's knock down the Great Wall they're so proud of.
Rongley: We got all these weapons. We're never allowed to use them. Drives me crazy.
Chief of Naval Operations: Yeah, I talk to my therapist about this all the time.
John Bladsmith: Where are we at with nukes?
Mark Naird: No, no. We're not going to nuke China.
Adrian Mallory: Any questions?
Pella Bhat: Which moon are we going to?
Adrian Mallory: The one you're familiar with.
Eddie: How'd you get my number? I'm unlisted.
Bradley Gregory: Uh, Angie's List.
Pella Bhat: Are they serving dinner on the flight?
F. Tony Scarapiducci: Meals will be provided. (to Mallory): Right? Is that right?
Adrian Mallory: Yes.
F. Tony Scarapiducci: Meals will be provided, so...
Pella Bhat: Are we expected to breed?
Adrian Mallory: No.
Pella Bhat: Can I bring my cat?
Bradley Gregory: Can she bring her cat? No. Sorry.
Eddie: If we are required to breed, do I have a choice? Is it her?
F. Tony Scarapiducci: That's a great question. He's saying if they have to have sex, could it be her? He could be into it.
Adrian Mallory: I understood. Thank you. Uh, if it will be required, you will be given a choice, yes.
Pella Bhat: I get an hour for lunch.
Adrian Mallory: Understood.
Eddie: When is Christmas on the moon?
Adrian Mallory: It's the usual time. After Christmas Eve.
Pella Bhat: Werewolves. Have you addressed the possible hazard of werewolves on the moon, in their prime environment?
Eddie: I understand that you can grow up to two inches on the moon. Is that in all directions?
Hildy: Have a good time in Denver, General. Just know it may not be as great as you remember.
Mark Naird: Thank you, Hildy. Expectations managed.
Adrian Mallory: Uh, people certainly seem invested in your fake trip.
Mark Naird: They care about the old man because they know the old man cares about them.
Adrian Mallory: Mm-hmm.
Mark Naird: Any problems, Brad'll take care of them.
Dr. Vandeveld: General, if I may offer some advice. Downtown Denver will always be there. Why not spend some time getting to know the other parts of the city? That way, when you do go "downtown," it will be that much more special. Yes? Okay. Happy travels.
Adrian Mallory: I believe your code may have been cracked.
Mark Naird: Yeah. No sh*t.
Hannah Howard: Your phone.
F. Tony Scarapiducci: No, thank you.
Hannah Howard: You have to put it in the secure case, which will open again after the demo is over. No phones is part of the NDA you signed.
F. Tony Scarapiducci: Yeah, no, I don't think I'll be doing that, because the last time I handed you my phone, I wasn't allowed within 300 feet of my own f**king office.
Hannah Howard: Are you still holding a grudge? Don't be petulant, Anthony.
F. Tony Scarapiducci: "Don't be petulant, Anthony." You're a goblin. (Hands her his phone, Hannah points at his legs...) What? What are you doing?
Hannah Howard: The ankle. The holster on your ankle...
F. Tony Scarapiducci: This is so...
Hannah Howard: ...that you hand-stitched yourself.
F. Tony Scarapiducci: This is stupid.
Hannah Howard: You are pathetic. Jesus Christ.
Bobby: General, let me say I am very sorry for canceled sex visit with your convict wife.
Mark Naird: How do you know about that?
Bobby: From observation. The way you walk. Wait... you think I'm spy?
Adrian Mallory: The thought has crossed our minds, yeah.
Bobby: Please, my phone doesn't stop ringing. Like, "Yuri, why does India have Pegasus and not Russia? What are we paying you for?" "Mr. President, Father, I am sorry." You see? Our interests, the same. Let Bobby help you.
Kiki Rhodes (to Angela): Man, we about to get BB'd up. I'd rather just get regular shot. You know how b*tches love the gunshot wounds.
F. Tony Scarapiducci: Whoa, whoa. B*tches actually don't like to be called b*tches anymore.
Angela Ali: Yeah, well, b*tches don't like a lot of things, so...
F. Tony Scarapiducci: You know that word originated in the 15th century as a way to demean women who were just trying to express their sexual desires?
Angela Ali: Why do you know that?
F. Tony Scarapiducci: My college gender studies professor made me write a paper about it after I called her a b*tch.
Kiki Rhodes: She sound like a b*tch.
F. Tony Scarapiducci: Hey! Come on. But she was one, two times.
|Release Date:||29 May 2020|
Space Force is a workplace comedy series that centers on a group of people tasked with establishing the sixth branch of the United States Armed Forces, the United States Space Force. Carell’s character, Mark Naird, is the first general of the Space Force, and is in charge of the effort and the series follows his collaboration to get “boots on the moon” by 2024, per the orders of the president. (EW)