Reginald Hargreeves: They call themselves the Umbrella Academy, a group of scheming, perfidious malcontents who accosted me in the fall of 1963 when I was away on business in Dallas. Be warned, they claim to be my spawn.

Allison Hargreeves: Claim? Look, Five, what the hell is going on?

Number Five: I don't know yet, but it's concerning.

Marcus Hargreeves: Is he telling the truth?

Vanya Hargreeves: Not the part about us being perfidious.

Klaus Hargreeves: No, we're amateur-fidious, at best.