Georgie Cooper: What are you doing?
George Cooper Sr.: Separating the whites from the colors.
Georgie Cooper: Whoa, that's racist.
George Cooper Sr.: How did I get a rocket scientist for one son and a rodeo clown for the other?
George Cooper Sr.: 'Cause if I do, it sets a bad precedent.
Georgie Cooper: What's Nixon got to do with it?
George Cooper Sr.: What?
Georgie Cooper: You said "bad president," like Nixon.
Mary Cooper (to Sheldon): What on earth do we need a computer for?
Missy Cooper: Yeah, we got you and your big head.
Sheldon Cooper: Welcome to the church of Mathology. Today I'd like to talk about prime numbers and why they bring us joy.
Sheldon Cooper: Would you be angry with me if I don't pick your religion?
Mary Cooper: I could never be angry with you. You be a seeker of your own truth.
Sheldon Cooper: Thanks, Mom.
Mary Cooper (to herself): And if the truth turns out to be Satan, I will do battle with him.
Sheldon Cooper: What about Jesus? He was Jewish.
Ira: Oh, we've got a lot of celebrities. Uh, we've got, uh, we got William Shatner, and Leonard Nimoy...
Sheldon Cooper: Kirk and Spock? I want to be Jewish.
Mary Cooper: I'm so happy you're taking an interest in religion.
Sheldon Cooper: I am. And I've decided to explore other religions, too.
Mary Cooper: What's this, now?
Sheldon Cooper: Pastor Jeff encouraged me to approach religion scientifically, so it only makes sense to enlarge my database.
Mary Cooper: No, your database is Baptist. That's all the data you need. Baptist data.
George Cooper Sr.: What other religions you considering?
Sheldon Cooper: Buddhist, Jewish, Hindu, Catholic, all of them.
Mary Cooper: Nope. Nope. That's not happening.
Sheldon Cooper: Well, why? As an American, don't I have freedom of religion?
Meemaw (to Mary): Those dungeons and dragons are looking pretty good right now, aren't they?
Sheldon Cooper: I'm also looking into voodoo.
Meemaw: Maybe y'all are being a little selfish about this.
Mary Cooper: Selfish? We're thinking of him.
Meemaw: Well, that's all well and good, but maybe you should be thinking about the whole world. I mean, what if Einstein's parents had held him back? We wouldn't even have the... Well, I was gonna say atomic bomb, but there's probably a better example.
Mary Cooper: He's nine years old.
George Cooper Sr.: Oh, come on, you can't measure him in Earth years.
Math Teacher: ... and so the square of sine plus cosine equals one. (Sheldon raises his hand) Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper: I don't want to embarrass you, so I'm going to give you a moment to think about what you just said.
George Cooper Sr.: Sheldon forged a letter to get out of P.E.?
Mary Cooper: Looks like it.
George Cooper Sr.: How about that.
Mary Cooper: Don't be proud of him.
George Cooper Sr.: Can't help it. First time he ever seemed like my kid.
Sheldon Cooper (narrative): I don't know if other supervillains started their careers by getting out of P.E., but that's where I began. Emboldened by my faux hernia, I started taking books out of the library... without getting the cards stamped. Before you judge me too harshly, I always brought them back on time. I was a rule-breaker, not a lunatic.