Pastor Jeff: For so many months, our little parish has been struggling financially. But by the grace of God and his provision, we have received the most donations in church history! Praise Jesus!
Sheldon Cooper: So it's all Jesus, we don't get any credit?
Missy Cooper: We need to start our own church.
Sheldon Cooper: They don't pay taxes. It's a very sound business model.
Mary Cooper: Oh, Mom. If you're sleeping with the man, you should be married to him.
Meemaw: Why do I come here? I got to find a cooler chick to talk to.
Mary Cooper: You know I'm right.
Meemaw: I know no such thing. It's my life, I don't have to do anything 'cause I'm "supposed to." I do it because I want to, and right now, I don't want to, end of story.
Mary Cooper (about Veronica): She's just having a rough time at home.
George Cooper Sr.: What's going on?
Mary Cooper: Her mother's boyfriend has a drinking problem, and... things have been getting out of hand.
George Cooper Sr.: You waited till I had a beer to tell me this story, didn't you?
Mary Cooper: You always have a beer.
Mayor Harrison: This is Mayor Harrison. I understand you are running for office.
Sheldon Cooper: Class president. Do you have any advice on how to win?
Mayor Harrison: The most important thing is to get out there and connect with people.
Sheldon Cooper: That's tricky. I'm not terribly fond of people.
Mayor Harrison: Well, you might need to get over that.
Sheldon Cooper: Assuming I can, how do I connect with them?
Mayor Harrison: A friendly handshake is a great start.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, boy. Now I have to touch them?
(George brings Sheldon to make interview on Local News...)
George Cooper Sr.: He's not a communist. He's ten years old. Listen, I fought for this country. I love this country. My kids love this country. Isn't that right, Sheldon?
Sheldon Cooper: Yes. Although, in all fairness, the Social Security system is a form of...
George Cooper Sr.: You love this country!
Sheldon Cooper: I love this country.