Best 'Pastor Jeff' Quotes | Scattered Quotes

Pastor Jeff Quotes

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Pastor Jeff: For so many months, our little parish has been struggling financially. But by the grace of God and his provision, we have received the most donations in church history! Praise Jesus!

Sheldon Cooper: So it's all Jesus, we don't get any credit?

Missy Cooper: We need to start our own church.

Sheldon Cooper: They don't pay taxes. It's a very sound business model.

Pastor Jeff: Why don't we take a moment to pray, uh, keeping in mind that our prayers should not be for our own benefit, but for our family, friends, fellow Texans, Americans of all races and religions and the world. Well, most of the world. Y'all know what countries to pick.

Pastor Jeff: And Jacob said: "For I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved."

Sheldon Cooper: Is this an appropriate time to mention that John 1:18 says, "No man hath seen God at any time." Who's right? Jacob or John?

Mary Cooper: Let's talk about it in the car.

Pastor Jeff: ...the Lord. (Meemaw raises her hand) Yes, Connie?

Meemaw: My grandson has a question. Let 'er rip, kid.

Pastor Jeff: Tell Sheldon I spoke to my seminary professor, and the official ruling is: God would appear to the octopus aliens in octopus alien form and save their eight-legged souls. Praise Jesus! I should put that in a sermon.

Sheldon Cooper: When you said God gave his son to the world, did you mean Earth or the universe?

Pastor Jeff: Earth.

Sheldon Cooper: But if God created the universe, wouldn't he want to save all of it?

Pastor Jeff: Yes, uh, he would.

Sheldon Cooper: Then why did you say Earth?

Pastor Jeff: "Earth" is a synonym for the universe.

Meemaw: He's grabbing at straws now.

Sheldon Cooper: So if God's plan is to save all of the universe, that means a race of octopus aliens light-years away could only be saved by Jesus?

Pastor Jeff: Sure.

Sheldon Cooper: Even though they never would've heard of him?

Pastor Jeff: Yes.

Sheldon Cooper: Even though his appearance might be terrifying to them?

Pastor Jeff: W-Why would his appearance be terrifying?

Sheldon Cooper: He has four limbs and they have eight.

Mary Cooper: Okay, that's enough.

Pastor Jeff: No, no. I prayed people would be more interested in my sermons. I suppose I should've been more specific.

Sheldon Cooper: You said he didn't create the sun until day four.

Pastor Jeff: Yeah.

Sheldon Cooper: So how could there be light the first three days?

Pastor Jeff: God is light.

Sheldon Cooper: So God's a photon?

Pastor Jeff: God's what made photons possible.

Sheldon Cooper: And what day did he do that?

Pastor Jeff: I would think day one.

Sheldon Cooper: How could you count the days...?

George Cooper Sr. (whispering to Mary): If I grab my chest and keel over, maybe we can get out of here.

Mary Cooper: That's a terrible thing to say.

Pastor Jeff: ...because the first day had just begun.

Sheldon Cooper: So, before the Big Bang?

Pastor Jeff: There was no Big Bang. There was only the Word.

Sheldon Cooper: Was the word "kaboom"?

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