Mary Cooper: Oh, Mom. If you're sleeping with the man, you should be married to him.
Meemaw: Why do I come here? I got to find a cooler chick to talk to.
Mary Cooper: You know I'm right.
Meemaw: I know no such thing. It's my life, I don't have to do anything 'cause I'm "supposed to." I do it because I want to, and right now, I don't want to, end of story.
Meemaw: Your brother's gonna be fine, but he has to have his gallbladder removed.
Missy Cooper: How's he gonna pee?
Meemaw: Not that bladder, his gallbladder.
Georgie Cooper: What's the gallbladder do?
Meemaw: I guess not much, if they're takin' it out.
Missy Cooper: You think he'll bring it home so we can see it?
Meemaw: I'll ask.
Mary Cooper: He's only doing it 'cause of that Veronica girl.
George Cooper Sr.: Oh, sure. That makes sense.
Mary Cooper: What do you mean, it makes sense?
George Cooper Sr.: When I was his age, I hitchhiked to Florida 'cause I had a friend that had a girlfriend who knew a girl who might be willing.
Meemaw: But then you met my daughter and you didn't have to travel so far. (laughs)
Pastor Jeff: And Jacob said: "For I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved."
Sheldon Cooper: Is this an appropriate time to mention that John 1:18 says, "No man hath seen God at any time." Who's right? Jacob or John?
Mary Cooper: Let's talk about it in the car.
Pastor Jeff: ...the Lord. (Meemaw raises her hand) Yes, Connie?
Meemaw: My grandson has a question. Let 'er rip, kid.
Meemaw: Maybe having this mutt next door won't be so bad. Shelly could end up getting used to it.
George Cooper Sr.: That's true. Remember when he got all freaked out by the fruit at the bottom of yogurt? Now he eats it no problem.
Mary Cooper: He still makes me stir it.
Meemaw: Maybe you could start out with a small pet, and work your way up. Like a turtle.
Mary Cooper: He says they carry salmonella.
Meemaw: A gerbil?
Mary Cooper: Apparently, they caused the plague.
Georgie Cooper: What about a bird?
George Cooper Sr.: Oh, I know that one. They'll steal his hair to make a nest.
George Cooper Sr.: The little Sparks girl?
Mary Cooper: You're kidding. She seems so sweet.
Georgie Cooper: He says she slaps him around, takes his lunch money. She even put a tadpole down his shirt.
Meemaw: Poor kid, he tucks in those shirts.
(They go spy on her through the fence)
Mary Cooper: She looks harmless.
Meemaw: She's cute. So she probably gets away with stuff. I'm like that.