Sheldon Cooper: Hello. I was just brushing my teeth like I do every night. Haha. Nothing new there.
Mary Cooper: You all right?
Sheldon Cooper: Yes. I'm cool. I'm very cool.
Missy Cooper: Tell Sheldon what cool means.
Mary Cooper: Hush. Sweet dreams. Love you.
Sheldon Cooper: Love you, too, 'cause you're my mom. Haha.
Missy Cooper: You're so weird.
Sheldon Cooper: More than usual?
Missy Cooper: No, I guess not.
Sheldon Cooper: Perfect.
George Cooper Sr.: Good night. Sweet dreams.
Missy Cooper: Mom gives us kisses.
George Cooper Sr.: Fine.
Missy Cooper: Mm, your beard is scratchy.
George Cooper Sr.: Too bad. Sheldon?
Sheldon Cooper: I respectfully pass.
Missy Cooper: Mom also does the good night dance.
George Cooper Sr.: Now you're just screwing with me. Night.
Sheldon Cooper: You should've gone with "sings us a lullaby."
Missy Cooper: Yeah, I got cocky.
Sheldon Cooper: And then I said octopus aliens didn't need to become Christian because they're not affected by original sin.
Missy Cooper: You should've been there; Pastor Jeff almost started crying.
George Cooper Sr.: Oh, now I'm sorry I missed it.
Mary Cooper: That's your fault for having a hangover.
George Cooper Sr.: Or it's God's fault for putting Sunday morning after Saturday night.
Missy Cooper: Do you think we're stupid?
Georgie Cooper: Sheldon's in college right now, and we can't figure out your homework. What do you think?
Missy Cooper: Sometimes I tell myself I only look stupid because he's so smart.
Georgie Cooper: Give me the book. Don't just sit there, make me a sandwich.
Missy Cooper: There's a list of sentences, and you're supposed to say if each one's a complete sentence or not.
Georgie Cooper: The first one is, "Most people in the country". That doesn't sound like a sentence.
Missy Cooper: But ask me who drives pickup trucks.
Georgie Cooper: Who drives pickup trucks?
Missy Cooper: Most people in the country.
Georgie Cooper: Well, now it does sound like one.
Missy Cooper: I told you, it's confusing.
Missy Cooper: Can you help me?
Georgie Cooper: With what?
Missy Cooper: I don't understand my homework.
Georgie Cooper: You're asking me? I don't understand my own homework.
Missy Cooper: I know, but you're all I got.
Georgie Cooper: What kind of homework is it?
Missy Cooper: Grammar.
Georgie Cooper: I ain't great with grammar.
Missy Cooper: Well, grammar's just talking, and we both talk good.
Georgie Cooper: I guess. Gimme.
Mary Cooper: It's interesting that an adult would need his mother to sign a consent form.
Missy Cooper: And here we go.
Sheldon Cooper: I don't need you to sign it, the school does.
Mary Cooper: So you're saying even the school doesn't think that you're mature enough to make all your own decisions.
Sheldon Cooper (narration): In that moment, I was so angry with her, I almost opened the jar.
Mary Cooper: Sweetie, is someone bothering you?
Sheldon Cooper: Yes.
Mary Cooper: Who is it?
Sheldon Cooper: I'd rather not talk about it.
Mary Cooper: No, I want a name right now. (to Missy): Have you been hurting him?
Missy Cooper: Only with my words.
Meemaw: What do you think, George? Is it time to have "the talk" with him?
Missy Cooper: What talk?
Mary Cooper: No talk. Nobody's talking.
Sheldon Cooper: If "the talk" is in regards to human reproduction, I already understand how that works.
Mary Cooper: How do you know that?
Missy Cooper: I told him.
Mary Cooper: Oh, Lord.
Mary Cooper (to Sheldon): What on earth do we need a computer for?
Missy Cooper: Yeah, we got you and your big head.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, no. We're going to jail.
Missy Cooper: Georgie's going to jail. I'm saying I was kidnapped.
Mary Cooper: You want me to cook those eggs for you, baby?
Missy Cooper: No. They're a gift.
Mary Cooper: Sorry.
Missy Cooper: He even wrote me a note. "Eggs from your secret admirer, Billy."