Meemaw: Maybe having this mutt next door won't be so bad. Shelly could end up getting used to it.
George Cooper Sr.: That's true. Remember when he got all freaked out by the fruit at the bottom of yogurt? Now he eats it no problem.
Mary Cooper: He still makes me stir it.
Meemaw: Maybe you could start out with a small pet, and work your way up. Like a turtle.
Mary Cooper: He says they carry salmonella.
Meemaw: A gerbil?
Mary Cooper: Apparently, they caused the plague.
Georgie Cooper: What about a bird?
George Cooper Sr.: Oh, I know that one. They'll steal his hair to make a nest.
Missy Cooper: Do you think we're stupid?
Georgie Cooper: Sheldon's in college right now, and we can't figure out your homework. What do you think?
Missy Cooper: Sometimes I tell myself I only look stupid because he's so smart.
Georgie Cooper: Give me the book. Don't just sit there, make me a sandwich.
Missy Cooper: There's a list of sentences, and you're supposed to say if each one's a complete sentence or not.
Georgie Cooper: The first one is, "Most people in the country". That doesn't sound like a sentence.
Missy Cooper: But ask me who drives pickup trucks.
Georgie Cooper: Who drives pickup trucks?
Missy Cooper: Most people in the country.
Georgie Cooper: Well, now it does sound like one.
Missy Cooper: I told you, it's confusing.
Missy Cooper: Can you help me?
Georgie Cooper: With what?
Missy Cooper: I don't understand my homework.
Georgie Cooper: You're asking me? I don't understand my own homework.
Missy Cooper: I know, but you're all I got.
Georgie Cooper: What kind of homework is it?
Missy Cooper: Grammar.
Georgie Cooper: I ain't great with grammar.
Missy Cooper: Well, grammar's just talking, and we both talk good.
Georgie Cooper: I guess. Gimme.
Georgie Cooper: Hey, now that you're treating him like an adult, can I have his allowance?
George Cooper Sr.: That allowance is for chores, which you already don't do.
Georgie Cooper: Come on. We all know I'm your favorite.
Meemaw: You're not even his third favorite.
George Cooper Sr.: The little Sparks girl?
Mary Cooper: You're kidding. She seems so sweet.
Georgie Cooper: He says she slaps him around, takes his lunch money. She even put a tadpole down his shirt.
Meemaw: Poor kid, he tucks in those shirts.
(They go spy on her through the fence)
Mary Cooper: She looks harmless.
Meemaw: She's cute. So she probably gets away with stuff. I'm like that.
Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, you need to apologize to your brother.
Sheldon Cooper: I'm sorry?
Leonard Hofstadter: Yes. Like that, but nicer, and that way.
Sheldon Cooper: I have nothing to apologize for.
George Cooper: I told you this was a bad idea. Sometimes you can't patch a tire. You just got to buy a new one. Actually, that's always the case. Never patch, buy new.
Georgie Cooper: What are you doing?
George Cooper Sr.: Separating the whites from the colors.
Georgie Cooper: Whoa, that's racist.
George Cooper Sr.: How did I get a rocket scientist for one son and a rodeo clown for the other?
George Cooper Sr.: 'Cause if I do, it sets a bad precedent.
Georgie Cooper: What's Nixon got to do with it?
George Cooper Sr.: What?
Georgie Cooper: You said "bad president," like Nixon.
Sheldon Cooper: What about the truth?
George Cooper Jr.: What about it?
Sheldon Cooper: It's supposed to set us free.
George Cooper Jr.: Who told you that?
Sheldon Cooper: The Bible.
George Cooper Jr.: Since when do you care about what's in the Bible?
Sheldon Cooper: When it helps me win an argument.
Sheldon Cooper (narrative): I didn't realize until years later that my father was only asking questions about lightning and thunder to cheer me up. In fact, he would often pretend to be dumb just to make me feel better.
George Cooper Jr.: Looks like rain.
Sheldon Cooper (narrative): My brother, on the other hand, didn't have to pretend.
Sheldon Cooper: Statistically, always punting on fourth down makes no sense.
George Cooper Jr.: Statistically, you're a dumb-ass.
Sheldon Cooper: When the Aggies give up the ball on their own fiveyard line, the opposing team has a 92% chance of scoring. When they punt from deep in their own territory, the other team still has a 77% chance of scoring. But since they convert on fourth down 50% of the time, the math says they should never punt again.
Meemaw (to Mary): Okay, you can tell me, who's his real daddy?