Sheldon Cooper: I can't sleep.
Nurse: Did you try counting sheep?
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, no, I'm afraid of farm animals.
Nurse: Of course you are. Well, I don't know what I can do for you.
Sheldon Cooper: Do you know the "Soft Kitty" song?
Sheldon Cooper: I'll teach it to you. Get a notepad.
Meemaw: Your brother's gonna be fine, but he has to have his gallbladder removed.
Missy Cooper: How's he gonna pee?
Meemaw: Not that bladder, his gallbladder.
Georgie Cooper: What's the gallbladder do?
Meemaw: I guess not much, if they're takin' it out.
Missy Cooper: You think he'll bring it home so we can see it?
Meemaw: I'll ask.
Sheldon Cooper (narration): Throughout my high school career, Nurse Nora and I had been through quite a few close calls...
Nurse Nora: This is just a blister.
Sheldon Cooper: Are you sure?
Nurse Nora: Sheldon, I promise you don't have leprosy.
Sheldon Cooper: Ooh, that's bright.
Nurse Nora: Proving you don't have hysterical blindness.
Sheldon Cooper: Well, can you test for just hysterical?
Nurse Nora: Oh. Looks like you bit your cheek.
Sheldon Cooper: How do you know it's not scurvy?
Nurse Nora: Because you're not a pirate. So, we've got a tummyache?
Sheldon Cooper: Yes. I'm afraid it might be cholera.
Nurse Nora: Again?
Sheldon Cooper: I have one of the symptoms.
Nurse Nora: Okay, on a scale of one to ten, what's your pain level?
Sheldon Cooper: Three... point four seven.
Nurse Nora: That's pretty serious. But since you're at a 3.47, I'm gonna give you the strongest medication I'm allowed to give you.
(Gives him anti-tummyache gummy bears)
Sheldon Cooper: You're an angel of mercy, Nurse Nora. Ooh, cherry.
Mary Cooper: He's only doing it 'cause of that Veronica girl.
George Cooper Sr.: Oh, sure. That makes sense.
Mary Cooper: What do you mean, it makes sense?
George Cooper Sr.: When I was his age, I hitchhiked to Florida 'cause I had a friend that had a girlfriend who knew a girl who might be willing.
Meemaw: But then you met my daughter and you didn't have to travel so far. (laughs)
Paige: Sheldon, it's just a fun scary story.
Sheldon Cooper: It's nonsense is what it is.
Missy Cooper: Old man.
Sheldon Cooper: I'm not an old man, I'm ten.
Missy Cooper: More like 110.
Paige: You know, I read that adults who had a stunted childhood often become social misfits and weirdos.
Sheldon Cooper: You didn't read that, you're making it up like your goat story.
Paige: Psychology Magazine, February issue, 1988.
Sheldon Cooper: Well, um... That doesn't make it true.
Paige: Guess you'll find out when you're an adult.
Sheldon Cooper: I guess I will.
Sheldon Cooper (narration): Well, we know how this story ends. I grew up to become a well-adjusted and charming fellow. But at that moment in time, she had me worried.
(Little Sheldon finishes his first video game...)
Sheldon Cooper (narration): Since that night, I've battled orcs, zombies, Na*zis, Na*zi-zombies, a dinosaur in a go-kart, and played Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" on a stringless, plastic guitar. But nothing would ever compare to that first quest with my meemaw. Although Leonard pulling a groin muscle doing Dance Dance Revolution was a close second.