Scattered Quotes

The Office Quotes

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Michael Scott: Do I have a special someone? Uh, well, yeah, of course. A bunch of 'em. My employees. If I had to choose between a one-night-stand with some stupid cow I pick up at a barand these people, I'd pick them every time. Because with them, it is an every day stand. And I still know their names in the morning.
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Purse girl: What colors do you like?

Angela Martin: Gray, dark gray, charcoal.
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Michael Scott: I live by one rule. No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate. No. But... I live by another rule. Just do it. Nike.
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Dwight Schrute: The purse girl hits everything on my checklist. Creamy skin, straight teeth, curly hair, amazing breasts... not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.
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Michael Scott: Well, first what we have to do is find out what motivates people more than anything else.

Dwight Schrute: Sex.

Michael Scott: It's illegal. Can't do that. Next best thing.

Dwight Schrute: Torture.
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Michael Scott: Do I, uh, do I get to pick the prize?

Jan Levinson: Uh... yes. Yes, you can.

Michael Scott: Um, question: Does "top salesman" include people who were at one time such outstanding salesmen that they've been promoted to...

Jan Levinson: No, Michael. No, you can't win this prize.
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Dwight Schrute: Can I be team captain?

Michael Scott: No, I'm team captain.

Dwight Schrute: Can I be team manager?

Michael Scott: No, I am the team manager! You can be assistant to the team manager.

Dwight Schrute: Assistant team manager?

Michael Scott: No.
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Michael Scott: Are we ready for the game?

Everyone (grumpily): Yeah.

Michael Scott: Yeah, I know, grumble, grumble. But you would follow me to the ends of the earth, grumblin' all the way. Like that, uh, dwarf from Lord of the Rings.

Dwight Schrute: Gimli.

Michael Scott: Nerd. That is why you're not on the team.

Dwight Schrute: Just tryin' to be helpful.

Michael Scott: I'll help. I'm a dragon slayer. Uh, ten-point power sword. Voom! Voom!
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Dwight Schrute: Studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage because... I bring my own water to work.

(Dwight moves the water cooler next to his desk)

Stanley Hudson: Why'd you do this?

Dwight Schrute: I didn't do it. What do you mean? Oh, the water cooler was brought over here for... maintenance.
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Michael Scott: It looks like there's gonna be downsizing. And it's part of my job, but... blech. I hate it. I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump is that, uh, I get no pleasure out of saying the words, "you're fired." "You're fired." "Uh, you're fired." He just makes people sad, and an office can't function that way. No way. "You're fired." I think if I had a catchphrase, it would be, "You're hired." And you can work here as long as you want."
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(Dwight is making everyone write down what diseases they have, so he can pick an insurance according to it)

Jim Halpert (to Pam): Wait, what are you writing? Don't write "Ebola" or "mad cow disease". All right? 'Cause I'm suffering from both of them.
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Quote from The Office 1x03 | Jim Halpert: You work here. Don't you want good insurance? Dwight Schrute: Don't need it. Never been sick. Perfect immune system. Jim Halpert: Okay, well, if you've never been sick, then you don't have any antibodies. Dwight Schrute: I don't need them. Superior genes. I'm a Schrute. And superior brain power. Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will. Pam Beesly: Why would you wanna raise your cholesterol? Dwight Schrute: So I can lower it.
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Dwight Schrute: What did I do? I did my job. I slashed benefits to the bone, I saved this company money. Was I too harsh? Maybe. I dont believe in coddling people, in the wild there is no health care. In the wild health care is: Ow, I hurt my leg, I can't run, a lion eats me and I'm dead. Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead.
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Michael Scott (to Oscar): Um, let me ask you, is there a term besides Mexican that you prefer? Something less offensive?
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Michael Scott: That was offensive, and lame. So double offensive.
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The Office Quotes

The Office Quotes

Info

Title: The Office
Format: TV Series
Genres: Comedy
Produced by: NBC
Release Date: 24 March 2005
Status: Ended with Season 9 in 2013
Number of seasons: 9

Synopsis / Summary

The office is filmed like a documentary that follows the employees of a paper company with the head of the branch, regional manager Michael Scott. Follow the daily shenanigans of the main characters, very serious salesman Dwight Schrute, funny salesman and prankster Jim Halpert, and receptionist Pam Beesly.

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Characters / Cast

Choose character to show quotes by her/him.
A-Z List of Characters

Character Played by
Dwight Schrute Rainn Wilson
Jim Halpert John Krasinski
Michael Scott Steve Carell
Pam Beesly Jenna Fischer

Facts & Trivia

• Jenna Fischer (Pam) and Angela Kinsey (Angela) are best friends real-life.
• The computers on the set were actually connected to the internet and cast admitted to not being able to resist to use it when they have time between takes to check their emails or just to surf the net.
• John Krasinski (Jim) and B.J. Novak (Ryan) went to the same high school: Newton South High School, where they graduated in 19997.
• Rainn Wilson (Dwight) auditioned for the role of Michael Scott.
• John Krasinski (Jim) had to wear a wig in season three because he got a hair cut for a movie he starred in.
• Many of the cast members directed at least one episode.
• Producers really wanted John Krasinski (Jim) for the role of Dwight, even though he thought he would be better as Jim. After they decided for Rainn Wilson to take the role of Dwight, that’s when John finally got the role he wanted.

» You can find more Facts & Trivia on IMDb

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