Michael Scott: Do I have a special someone? Uh, well, yeah, of course. A bunch of 'em. My employees. If I had to choose between a one-night-stand with some stupid cow I pick up at a barand these people, I'd pick them every time. Because with them, it is an every day stand. And I still know their names in the morning.
Michael Scott: Are we ready for the game?
Everyone (grumpily): Yeah.
Michael Scott: Yeah, I know, grumble, grumble. But you would follow me to the ends of the earth, grumblin' all the way. Like that, uh, dwarf from Lord of the Rings.
Dwight Schrute: Gimli.
Michael Scott: Nerd. That is why you're not on the team.
Dwight Schrute: Just tryin' to be helpful.
Michael Scott: I'll help. I'm a dragon slayer. Uh, ten-point power sword. Voom! Voom!
Michael Scott: It looks like there's gonna be downsizing. And it's part of my job, but... blech. I hate it. I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump is that, uh, I get no pleasure out of saying the words, "you're fired." "You're fired." "Uh, you're fired." He just makes people sad, and an office can't function that way. No way. "You're fired." I think if I had a catchphrase, it would be, "You're hired." And you can work here as long as you want."
Michael Scott: "I regret my actions. I regret offending my coworkers. I pledge to bring my best spirit of honesty, empathy, respect, and open-mindedness... open-mindedness, that even a word? um, into the workplace. In this way, I can truly be a HERO. Signed... Daffy Duck." He's gonna lose it when he reads that.
Michael Scott: What is the most important thing for a company? Is it the cash flow? Is it the inventory? Nuh-uh. It's the people. The people. My proudest moment here was not when I increased profits by 17 %. Or when I cut expenses without losing a single employee. No, no, no, no, no. It was a young Guatemalan guy. First job in the country, barely spoke English. Came to me and said, "Mr. Scott, would you be the godfather of my child?" Wow. Wow. Wow... Didn't work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked.