18 Best The Big Bang Theory Quotes from 'The Conjugal Conjecture' (10x01)

Enjoy the best quotes from The Big Bang Theory, episode ‘The Conjugal Conjecture’.
‘The Conjugal Conjecture’ is the first episode and season premiere of the tenth season. (s10e01)

In case you don’t remember what was this episode about, here is summary.

Plot summary

As Leonard and Penny attempt to hold another wedding ceremony everyone can attend, they have to deal with Penny’s family arriving and Leonard’s father spending the night with Sheldon’s mother. (IMDb)

Top 18 The Big Bang Theory Quotes from 10×01

Ordered chronologically as they appear in the episode.

Sheldon Cooper: Do you think your father’s doing unspeakable things to my mother?
Leonard Hofstadter: No.
Sheldon Cooper: Are you saying that because the things are unspeakable?
Penny Hofstadter: Your parents are old. Anything unspeakable was finished by 9:30.
Beverly Hofstadter: I don’t see why I should have to watch your father parade around with some Bible-thumping bumpkin.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, excuse me, that is my mother you’re talking about, however accurately.
Howard Wolowitz: Hey, if thinking secret government agents are chasing you makes you a lunatic, then… yeah, okay.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: It didn’t help that you couldn’t walk a straight line when the cop pulled you over.
Howard Wolowitz: I have performance anxiety. You of all people should know that.
Susan (Penny’s mother to Penny): You sent your brother cigarettes?
Wyatt (Penny’s father): He was cooking and selling crystal meth, Susan, I think we can let the cigarettes slide.
Leonard Hofstadter: It’s gonna be special for Penny and me to share this with you.
Beverly Hofstadter: I can’t wait for this day to be over.
Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, special, like that.
Sheldon Cooper: Did that conversation include the phrase “your genitals are a joy to behold”?
Mary Cooper: That’s enough!
Alfred Hofstadter: Look, I promise you, neither I, nor anyone, has ever said that.
Leonard Hofstadter: You don’t know his girlfriend very well.
Sheldon Cooper: Or what a joy it is to behold my genitals.
Randall (Penny’s brother): You know, It’s hard to believe I’ve never met Leonard.
Wyatt (Penny’s father): Well, he probably buys his illegal drugs from a local vendor.
Mary Cooper: How could you think that I would spend the night with a man I just met?
Sheldon Cooper: A man named Jesus convinced you to build a church in Africa. You’re kind of a sucker.
Susan (Penny’s mother): Why did you have to go to jail?
Randall (Penny’s brother): It’s called getting caught, Mother!
Alfred Hofstadter (to Amy): You’re a patient young lady.
Sheldon Cooper: Hey, hey! She’s mine! Take a cold shower, grandpa!
Stuart: I’m sorry, did you two want to sit together?
Beverly and Alfred Hofstadter (at the same time): No.
Stuart: I was wondering why the front row was available.
Sheldon Cooper: Why do people cry at weddings?
Mary Cooper: They’re practicing for what’s coming later.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Love is patient, but it’s not gonna put up with all the side chatter, so let’s knock it off!
Penny Hofstadter: Leonard, standing here with you in front of our family and friends is bringing up a lot of feelings. Like what a good idea it was to elope the first time. But also how incredibly happy you make me. Thank you for marrying me. Hopefully for the last time.
Leonard Hofstadter: Penny… as a scientist, my job is to figure out why things happen. But I don’t think I’ll ever understand how someone like me could get to be with someone like you. You know… maybe… I don’t need to understand it, I just need to be grateful. I love you, Penny.
Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me, I need to say something to someone pretty special, and… I just can’t wait any longer.
Amy Farrah Fowler: It’s happening.
Sheldon Cooper: Leonard… You and I have our ups and downs. But I have always considered you my family. Even before the recent threat of our parents fornicating like wrinkly old rabbits. I don’t always show it, but you are of great importance to me. Both of you.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: I now pronounce you husband and wife. And weird other husband who came with the apartment.
Susan (Penny’s mother): Penny, I don’t know what I was worried about. You’re friends are just lovely.
Penny Hofstadter: Oh, thanks, Mom.
Susan (Penny’s mother): Although that Sheldon is a bit peculiar.
Penny Hofstadter: Is he? I never noticed.