100+ Best 'Shameless' Quotes (TV Series) | Page 3 of 8

(Mickey is looking for Ian in a club…)
Manager: You think you’re the first one to come in here boo-hooing about some cocktail sl*t who jacked you off in the bathroom, told you it was true love, and then disappeared? Trust me. You’re not. So why don’t you buy yourself a drink and fall in love with somebody else?
Mickey Milkovich: You calling me gay?
Manager: Oh. Please, honey. You make Justin Bieber look straight.
Mickey Milkovich: Aah! Oh! Ah!

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(Lip is going to his dorm with little Liam…)
Liam Gallagher: Dorm.
Lip Gallagher: Yeah, and what’s in a dorm?
Liam Gallagher: Hipsters.
Lip Gallagher: Hipsters. Very good.

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Mickey Milkovich: Hey, what the f**k? Can I take a sh*t in private, please?
Mandy Milkovich: Douche bag, go find your boyfriend.
Mickey Milkovich: Get the f**k out! Close the door.
Mandy Milkovich: I looked for him all day yesterday and he’s not answering my texts.
Mickey Milkovich: What the f**k are you talking about?
Mandy Milkovich: Don’t play dumb with me. Ian! You know, you’re the reason that he left. So go find him. I gotta go to work.
Mickey Milkovich: Not my f**king problem.
Mandy Milkovich: You know what? Nothing’s ever your problem. For once, you know, make something your problem.

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Kevin Ball: What if we advertise? Put an ad in Craigslist, one of those local business things?
Mickey Milkovich: Yeah, we can get some meth heads to hand out flyers and sh*t.
Veronica Fisher: And pay them how?
Mickey Milkovich: We don’t. We just tell them we’ll pay them. If they complain about it, we’ll beat the sh*t out of them.

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Mickey Milkovich (to Svetlana): We learned a valuable lesson, anyone can jerk a c*ck. I jerk mine, he jerks his. Learn a unique skill or shut the f**k up. (Svetlana starts speaking russian angrily) No one knows what the f**k you’re saying.

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Kevin Ball: I’m gonna put this sign outside so people know to come in the back.
(Holds up the sign, so V can see it, it says “C*m this way”)
Veronica Fisher: You realize that’s not how you spell “come,” right?
(Kevin looks at the sign all confused)

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Lip Gallagher: Hey, you guys heard anything from Ian?
Debbie Gallagher: Not for weeks. And Fiona doesn’t even care.
Lip Gallagher: What about the U.S. Army? You hear anything from them?
(Flashback from not too long ago…)
Sergeant Benz: We’re looking for Phillip Gallagher.
Carl Gallagher: He’s at college. (slams the door)
(Back a present time…)
Carl Gallagher: No.

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Lip Gallagher: What did he try and steal?
Sergeant Kelly: Helicopter. Surface-to-air missile. Army-issue boxer brief-
Sergeant Benz: Sergeant. (makes Kelly shut up) Mr. Gallagher, we may need you to testify. We’ll be in touch.
Lip Gallagher: Well, at ease, gentlemen. I’ve always wanted to say that.

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Fiona Gallagher (to Robbie): You call me when I’m with Mike. Text me when I’m with Mike. How about we just cut out the middleman, which is me, and you can f**k your brother?

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Lip Gallagher: Um… thanks for the beers, Kev.
Kevin Ball: Yeah, you’re welcome.
Lip Gallagher: GFY.
Kevin Ball: Yeah, TGIF.

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(Another one of Mickey’s wh*res is complaining in russian…)
Mickey Milkovich: I don’t know what the f**k you’re saying! Oh, my God! I don’t know what that means. (to everyone): Look, don’t worry! We’ll get a dick in you as soon as we can.

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(All Mickey’s wh*res are complaining in russian…)
Svetlana Yevgenivna: They say you are stupid, f**king idiot!
Mickey Milkovich: Well, what did you say back?
Svetlana Yevgenivna: That you also have small dick.

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(In the bar, out of nowhere, Mickey speaks up…)
Mickey Milkovich: I like f**king carrot-tops, like, with the freckles and the pale skin and f**king alien-looking.

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(V and Kev find out they’re having triplets…)
Veronica Fisher: I’m having a damn litter!
Kevin Ball: Baby, you know what this means? I got a magic dick. I don’t know whether to freak out, or thrust my almighty dick in everyone’s face!
Veronica Fisher: You need to be freaking out. I’m having triplets!
Kevin Ball: Triplets! Triplets! (goes out to the hallway and tells everyone who walks by…): I got a magic p*nis, man. I got a magic p*nis!
Veronica Fisher: Would you shut the f**k up!?
Kevin Ball: I got a magic p*nis.

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(Ian tells Mickey he’s joining the army and will be gonne for at least four years…)
Mickey Milkovich: What are you hoping, I tell you not to go? I’m gonna chase after you like some b*tch?
Ian Gallagher: I didn’t come here for you.
Mickey Milkovich: Don’t.
Ian Gallagher: Don’t what?
Mickey Milkovich: Just…
(Ian leaves, Mickey is tearing up, Mandy peaks into Mickey’s room…)
Mickey Milkovich: What the f**k do you want?
Mandy Milkovich: Really? That’s all you’re gonna say to him? You’re a f**king p*ssy.

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