(Mickey is looking for Ian in a club...) Manager: You think you're the first one to come in here boo-hooing about some cocktail sl*t who jacked you off in the bathroom, told you it was true love, and then disappeared? Trust me. You're not. So why don't you buy yourself a drink and fall in love with somebody else? Mickey Milkovich: You calling me gay? Manager: Oh. Please, honey. You make Justin Bieber look straight. Mickey Milkovich: Aah! Oh! Ah!
(Mickey is looking for Ian in a club...)
Manager: You think you're the first one to come in here boo-hooing about some cocktail sl*t who jacked you off in the bathroom, told you it was true love, and then disappeared? Trust me. You're not. So why don't you buy yourself a drink and fall in love with somebody else?
Mickey Milkovich: You calling me gay?
Manager: Oh. Please, honey. You make Justin Bieber look straight.
Mickey Milkovich: Aah! Oh! Ah!
(Lip is going to his dorm with little Liam...) Liam Gallagher: Dorm. Lip Gallagher: Yeah, and what's in a dorm? Liam Gallagher: Hipsters. Lip Gallagher: Hipsters. Very good.
(Lip is going to his dorm with little Liam...)
Liam Gallagher: Dorm.
Lip Gallagher: Yeah, and what's in a dorm?
Liam Gallagher: Hipsters.
Lip Gallagher: Hipsters. Very good.
Mickey Milkovich: Hey, what the f**k? Can I take a sh*t in private, please? Mandy Milkovich: Douche bag, go find your boyfriend. Mickey Milkovich: Get the f**k out! Close the door. Mandy Milkovich: I looked for him all day yesterday and he's not answering my texts. Mickey Milkovich: What the f**k are you talking about? Mandy Milkovich: Don't play dumb with me. Ian! You know, you're the reason that he left. So go find him. I gotta go to work. Mickey Milkovich: Not my f**king problem. Mandy Milkovich: You know what? Nothing's ever your problem. For once, you know, make something your problem.
Mickey Milkovich: Hey, what the f**k? Can I take a sh*t in private, please?
Mandy Milkovich: Douche bag, go find your boyfriend.
Mickey Milkovich: Get the f**k out! Close the door.
Mandy Milkovich: I looked for him all day yesterday and he's not answering my texts.
Mickey Milkovich: What the f**k are you talking about?
Mandy Milkovich: Don't play dumb with me. Ian! You know, you're the reason that he left. So go find him. I gotta go to work.
Mickey Milkovich: Not my f**king problem.
Mandy Milkovich: You know what? Nothing's ever your problem. For once, you know, make something your problem.
Kevin Ball: What if we advertise? Put an ad in Craigslist, one of those local business things? Mickey Milkovich: Yeah, we can get some meth heads to hand out flyers and sh*t. Veronica Fisher: And pay them how? Mickey Milkovich: We don't. We just tell them we'll pay them. If they complain about it, we'll beat the sh*t out of them.
Kevin Ball: What if we advertise? Put an ad in Craigslist, one of those local business things?
Mickey Milkovich: Yeah, we can get some meth heads to hand out flyers and sh*t.
Veronica Fisher: And pay them how?
Mickey Milkovich: We don't. We just tell them we'll pay them. If they complain about it, we'll beat the sh*t out of them.
Mickey Milkovich (to Svetlana): We learned a valuable lesson, anyone can jerk a c*ck. I jerk mine, he jerks his. Learn a unique skill or shut the f**k up. (Svetlana starts speaking russian angrily) No one knows what the f**k you're saying.
Kevin Ball: I'm gonna put this sign outside so people know to come in the back. (Holds up the sign, so V can see it, it says "C*m this way") Veronica Fisher: You realize that's not how you spell "come," right? (Kevin looks at the sign all confused)
Kevin Ball: I'm gonna put this sign outside so people know to come in the back.
(Holds up the sign, so V can see it, it says "C*m this way")
Veronica Fisher: You realize that's not how you spell "come," right?
(Kevin looks at the sign all confused)
Lip Gallagher: Hey, you guys heard anything from Ian? Debbie Gallagher: Not for weeks. And Fiona doesn't even care. Lip Gallagher: What about the U.S. Army? You hear anything from them? (Flashback from not too long ago...) Sergeant Benz: We're looking for Phillip Gallagher. Carl Gallagher: He's at college. (slams the door) (Back a present time...) Carl Gallagher: No.
Lip Gallagher: Hey, you guys heard anything from Ian?
Debbie Gallagher: Not for weeks. And Fiona doesn't even care.
Lip Gallagher: What about the U.S. Army? You hear anything from them?
(Flashback from not too long ago...)
Sergeant Benz: We're looking for Phillip Gallagher.
Carl Gallagher: He's at college. (slams the door)
(Back a present time...)
Carl Gallagher: No.
Lip Gallagher: What did he try and steal? Sergeant Kelly: Helicopter. Surface-to-air missile. Army-issue boxer brief- Sergeant Benz: Sergeant. (makes Kelly shut up) Mr. Gallagher, we may need you to testify. We'll be in touch. Lip Gallagher: Well, at ease, gentlemen. I've always wanted to say that.
Lip Gallagher: What did he try and steal?
Sergeant Kelly: Helicopter. Surface-to-air missile. Army-issue boxer brief-
Sergeant Benz: Sergeant. (makes Kelly shut up) Mr. Gallagher, we may need you to testify. We'll be in touch.
Lip Gallagher: Well, at ease, gentlemen. I've always wanted to say that.
Fiona Gallagher (to Robbie): You call me when I'm with Mike. Text me when I'm with Mike. How about we just cut out the middleman, which is me, and you can f**k your brother?
Lip Gallagher: Um... thanks for the beers, Kev. Kevin Ball: Yeah, you're welcome. Lip Gallagher: GFY. Kevin Ball: Yeah, TGIF.
Lip Gallagher: Um... thanks for the beers, Kev.
Kevin Ball: Yeah, you're welcome.
Lip Gallagher: GFY.
Kevin Ball: Yeah, TGIF.
(Another one of Mickey's wh*res is complaining in russian...) Mickey Milkovich: I don't know what the f**k you're saying! Oh, my God! I don't know what that means. (to everyone): Look, don't worry! We'll get a dick in you as soon as we can.
(Another one of Mickey's wh*res is complaining in russian...)
Mickey Milkovich: I don't know what the f**k you're saying! Oh, my God! I don't know what that means. (to everyone): Look, don't worry! We'll get a dick in you as soon as we can.
(All Mickey's wh*res are complaining in russian...) Svetlana Yevgenivna: They say you are stupid, f**king idiot! Mickey Milkovich: Well, what did you say back? Svetlana Yevgenivna: That you also have small dick.
(All Mickey's wh*res are complaining in russian...)
Svetlana Yevgenivna: They say you are stupid, f**king idiot!
Mickey Milkovich: Well, what did you say back?
Svetlana Yevgenivna: That you also have small dick.
(In the bar, out of nowhere, Mickey speaks up...) Mickey Milkovich: I like f**king carrot-tops, like, with the freckles and the pale skin and f**king alien-looking.
(In the bar, out of nowhere, Mickey speaks up...)
Mickey Milkovich: I like f**king carrot-tops, like, with the freckles and the pale skin and f**king alien-looking.
(V and Kev find out they're having triplets...) Veronica Fisher: I'm having a damn litter! Kevin Ball: Baby, you know what this means? I got a magic dick. I don't know whether to freak out, or thrust my almighty dick in everyone's face! Veronica Fisher: You need to be freaking out. I'm having triplets! Kevin Ball: Triplets! Triplets! (goes out to the hallway and tells everyone who walks by...): I got a magic p*nis, man. I got a magic p*nis! Veronica Fisher: Would you shut the f**k up!? Kevin Ball: I got a magic p*nis.
(V and Kev find out they're having triplets...)
Veronica Fisher: I'm having a damn litter!
Kevin Ball: Baby, you know what this means? I got a magic dick. I don't know whether to freak out, or thrust my almighty dick in everyone's face!
Veronica Fisher: You need to be freaking out. I'm having triplets!
Kevin Ball: Triplets! Triplets! (goes out to the hallway and tells everyone who walks by...): I got a magic p*nis, man. I got a magic p*nis!
Veronica Fisher: Would you shut the f**k up!?
Kevin Ball: I got a magic p*nis.
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