Shameless Quotes

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(Doctors told Frank he'll die if he won't stop drinking alcohol...)

Frank Gallagher: Tragedy makes kids tough, Fiona.

Fiona Gallagher: Then be the fabulous narcissist that you are, and do it for yourself.

Frank Gallagher: What if I don't want to change?

Fiona Gallagher: Then I would know what I've always feared is true.

Frank Gallagher: What is that?

Fiona Gallagher: That you don't give a sh*t about any of us. So do it for you. Do it for your kids. It doesn't matter. Do it.

Fiona Gallagher: He said if you don't stop drinking, you're gonna die. As in dead, you know, like, no longer living? And soon.

Frank Gallagher: When did you start to care?

Fiona Gallagher: Not sure that I do. I've dreamt about your death. Put money in a collection box and prayed for it. Blew out my birthday candles, wished for it. If it actually ever happened, I don't know if I'd feel relief or guilt.

Frank Gallagher (laughs): Your birthday candles?

Fiona Gallagher: I wrote a letter to Santa once.

Frank Gallagher: So I'm supposed to stop drinking so that you don't feel guilty?

Fiona Gallagher: No. You're supposed to stop drinking because you have children at home who love you. And I don't know why. Who would be destroyed if anything happened to you.

Fiona Gallagher: The doctor talk to you, Frank?

Frank Gallagher: Yeah. "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, stop drinking. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."

Fiona Gallagher: He told me you were really sick.

Frank Gallagher: Do I look really sick to you? (flexes)

Fiona Gallagher: Said you were throwing up blood.

Frank Gallagher: That's 'cause I've got too much of it in me. It's a filtration process. My body knows how to flush itself out.

(V finds out her mother is 12 weeks pregnant...)

Carol Fisher: Honey, I promise, I didn't know!

Veronica Fisher: Please, you always know. You're like a walking pee stick!

Carol Fisher: Yeah, in the past, but this time...

Veronica Fisher: There is no "this time." You kept quiet 'cause you wanted to keep f**king my husband! (to couple sitting near): What the f**k are you looking at, huh? My husband f**ked my mother to get pregnant. Sorry we can't all have our baby the normal way!

Kevin Ball: Hey, what can I say? Once you go white, you always stay tight. Hey, I think I just insulted myself.

Lip Gallagher: Glad to see you out of bed. Thought we were gonna have to put you on a suicide watch, take away your shoelaces and bed sheets.

Ian Gallagher: No need. Moved on. How many times you gotta hear no, right?

Lip Gallagher: Yeah. Well, uh, I guess the good thing about falling for Mickey Milkovich is you know you can always find someone better.

(Police is arresting Carl...)

Police officer: We're taking your son in for questioning.

Frank Gallagher: He didn't do the heist. I did. You see? Shiny, but a little bit big. I also got a boatload of electronics. Those sold fast. Did you know Chicago has several 24-hour pawn shops? He didn't... He's innocent. I forced him to give me the code. Didn't I, son? Tell him. Oh, my God. He's dumber than a bag of hair. He couldn't pull off a Band-Aid, much less a robbery. Okay, here, cuff me before I get disorderly. Be brave, son. Order room service.

Ian Gallagher: What happened?

Lip Gallagher: Hell froze over.

(Ian gets drunk at Mickey's wedding...)

Ian Gallagher: He did it. He got married. To a woman.

Lip Gallagher: Ian, I told you not to come here, okay?

Ian Gallagher: You try sitting on your a$$ while the person you love... No, I'm sorry, I mean the guy you've been f**king... gets married to some random commie sk*nk! F**king commie!

(Lip drags him away...)

Ian Gallagher: You're not going through with this, are you?

Mickey Milkovich: Why you acting like I got a choice in this?

Ian Gallagher: This is bullsh*t. Listen to me, Mickey. Your dad is an evil psychotic prick! You're gonna just let him ruin your life!?

Mickey Milkovich: You can grow the f*ck up. Don't act like you know about my dad!

Ian Gallagher: Are you kidding me?

Mickey Milkovich: Not everybody gets to just... Not everybody just gets to blurt out how they f**king feel every minute.

Ian Gallagher: You call me a punk for wanting a boyfriend... but you're gonna marry someone who screws guys for a living!?

Mickey Milkovich: Who gives a sh*t? It's a f**king piece of paper.

Ian Gallagher: Not to me.

Mickey Milkovich: Hey. Come on. Look. Just because I'm getting hitched doesn't mean we can't still bang. Okay? All right?

Ian Gallagher: If you give half a sh*t about me...

Mickey Milkovich: Hey, hey.

Ian Gallagher: Half... don't do this.

Ian Gallagher: That wh*re that Mickey's marrying... is an actual wh*re that works at Garden Springs Spa.

Lip Gallagher: Family discounts on Handy J's.

Ian Gallagher: Terry made Mickey f*ck her to f**k the gay out of him.

Lip Gallagher: What? When?

Ian Gallagher: After he caught us together.

Lip Gallagher: Dude, how did I not know this sh*t?

Ian Gallagher: I didn't tell you.

Lip Gallagher: I don't know, did it work?

Ian Gallagher: I mean, he might have... faked it once or twice, but he wants to be with me. I know what he felt with me. You can't fake that. And now this chick is pregnant.

Lip Gallagher: Ian. My brother. You need to get out there and f**k someone new, okay? And someone in his early 20s, not some old dude like Kash or Ned.

Ian Gallagher: F**k you. (laughs)

Carl Gallagher: Who beat you up again?

Ian Gallagher: No one. It's ROTC, practicing hand-to-hand.

Carl Gallagher: Marines still fight with their fists?

Ian Gallagher: In certain situations, yes.

Carl Gallagher: Then what's the point of building nukes?

Fiona Gallagher: Gross national product.

(Mandy is scrubing blood off her car...)

Mickey Milkovich: What'd you hit?

Mandy Milkovich: Girl at school.

Mickey Milkovich: Don't forget to check for hair behind the grill. Call Manny about the windshield.

Debbie Gallagher: I like this color. Kind of cheers you up just looking at it, right?

Sheila Jackson: It does.

Debbie Gallagher: Sometimes when you're feeling really bad, If you make yourself look better on the outside, It can start to make you feel better on the inside. My mom calls it "taking it from the outside in."

Fiona Gallagher: Jimmy doesn't seem angry exactly. He seems quiet.

Kevin Ball: Oh, god. Stop. Would you stop right there? We get quiet for one minute, and you guys think that we're obsessing about the relationship. And all we're thinking is, "I wonder if there's any more cheese."

Veronica Fisher: You mean we make you smarter than you are?

Kevin Ball: No, no, no. You make us more interested in you than we are.

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