100+ Best 'Shameless' Quotes: 'This ain't no tea party." | Page 2 of 8 | Scattered Quotes

Shameless Quotes

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(Frank is in the hospital in a really bad condition...)

Debbie Gallagher (to Frank): I just wanted to say that I love you. And that I forgive you for everything. Unless you live. And then... and then I'm still pissed off.

Debbie Gallagher: Ugh, I lost the shiv Carl made for me. Melted toothbrush, duct tape handle...

Ian Gallagher: Why do you need a shiv?

Debbie Gallagher: In case I run into my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend.

(Mickey finds the shiv.)

Debbie Gallagher: Oh, there it is.

Mandy Milkovich: That a shiv?

Debbie Gallagher: Yep. Later.

Ian Gallagher: 13 years old, she's bringing a shiv to class.

Mickey Milkovich: Man, I miss high school.

Mickey Milkovich (to Svetlana): You breathe a f**king word about what you think you know, I promise you your kid's gonna be an orphan.

Kevin Ball: Okay, hey. No domestic abuse. Take it outside like everyone else.

Mickey Milkovich (to Kenyatta): Hey, you planning on giving a beat down to every guy Mandy's been with? Your arms are gonna get f**king tired.

(Mickey uses Ian as a bait to rob a man...)

Man: If you're gonna take my money, least you can do is have the twink suck me off.

Mickey Milkovich: That all you think he is? Some twink?

Man: He gave me blue balls.

Mickey Milkovich: Did he? (kicks him in his groin) Now they're black and blue balls.

Teacher: So what have we learned?

Carl Gallagher: Bullying is bad for society. It hurts people and makes them feel bad. It must be stopped.

Teacher: Very good. (leaves)

(Carl sees a kid walking down the hallway...)

Carl Gallagher: Forgot my lunch. Give me money. Give me money, chihuahua. Come on, give me money.

(Frank is called into school, because Carl is bullying other students...)

Frank Gallagher: Bullying is a vital part of every ecosystem. It teaches kids resilience. The world is a rough place. Bullying is like getting inoculated. It's a vaccine. And you little sh*ts, you got to learn to stay away from people like my son. That's what you learn when you get punched in the face by a bully. How do you think Steve Jobs turned out so great? Bullies. And I guarantee Junior here will be getting the hottest chicks when he's 30 because he got bullied today. You want your kid to peak now? My kid will be picking up roadside garbage in an orange jumpsuit in ten years. Your kid will be in med school curing cancer and getting laid. You're welcome.

Carl Gallagher: What if I want to cure cancer?

Frank Gallagher: Be lucky you don't get gonorrhea from your cell mate. Spoken with love, son.

Guy: What do you do for living?

Mickey Milkovich: I run business.

Guy: What kind of business?

Mickey Milkovich: Hospitality.

Guy: Oh, nice. What realm?

Mickey Milkovich: I'm a pimp.

Ryan (to Ian and Mickey): Could I get either of you a cocktail?

Mickey Milkovich: Yeah, you got beer?

Ryan: I've got some Craft Brews, a Stout, IPA, Winter Wheat.

Mickey Milkovich: How about beer?

Ryan: Right. Could I be any more of a f*g? One beer coming up.

Mickey Milkovich: You coming back?

Ian Gallagher: Depends. Will you suck my dick whenever I want?

Mickey Milkovich: F**k off. What you writing?

Ian Gallagher: Stuff. Notes, ideas.

Mickey Milkovich: I'll do it.

(Ian tells a story how he tried to steal a helicopter...)

Carl Gallagher: You shoot anyone?

Ian Gallagher: I never left basic.

Carl Gallagher: You can't shoot anyone there?

Ian Gallagher: You can. I didn't.

Carl Gallagher: You shot no one. You flew nothing. Why'd you even go there in the first place?

Ian Gallagher: Relationship issues.

(Ian is taking a shower in the Milkovich house, Svetlana comes in with a hammer...)

Svetlana Yevgenivna: I have baby soon. I can not work.

Ian Gallagher: Jeez.

Svetlana Yevgenivna: He must take care of me and baby. You go. We do not need you. You sleep here tonight in this house? I kill you. I bash your orange head.

Ian Gallagher: Mm-hmm.

Svetlana Yevgenivna: Vy ponimayete!?

Ian Gallagher: Yeah.

(Drugged up Ian is leaving the bar with an old man, Mickey interferes...)

Man: Ow!

Mickey Milkovich: Why don't you molest someone your own age, you geritol f**k? (punches the guy in the stomach)

Man: Ow! F**k! Ow! You're an animal.

Mickey Milkovich: I'm not the one groping and licking on underage boys, am I?

Man: We're just having fun.

Mickey Milkovich: Shut the f**k up. Now give Curtis some money before he calls the cops on you.

Man: Okay. Okay. Here, take, here.

Mickey Milkovich: Good, good. Thank you. Get the f**k out of here. (kick him) Get out of here!

Man: Ow! (starts to run away)

Mickey Milkovich: And learn how to run like a dude!