Mobius: Listen, I can't offer you salvation, but maybe I can offer you something better. A fugitive Variant's been killing our Minutemen.
Loki: And you need the God of Mischief to help you stop him?
Mobius: That's right.
Loki: Why me?
Mobius: The Variant we're hunting is... you.
Loki: I beg your pardon?
Loki: I don't enjoy hurting people. I... I don't enjoy it. I do it because I have to, because I've had to.
Mobius: Okay, explain that to me.
Loki: Because it's part of the illusion. It's the cruel, elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear.
Mobius: A desperate play for control. You do know yourself.
Loki: A villain.
Mobius: That's not how I see it.
Loki: Give me the Tesseract, or I'll gut you like a fish, Casey.
Casey: What's a fish? (Loki shushes him, Casey whispers): What's a fish?
Loki: How do you not know what a fish is?
Casey: I've lived my entire life behind a desk.
Loki: Well, what difference does it make?
Casey: I wanna know exactly what I'm being threatened with before I comply.
Loki: Death, Casey. Violent, painful death.
Casey: Okay, okay. I comply, I comply. I comply. Jeez!
Mobius: I'm wondering why does someone with so much range just wanna rule?
Loki: I would've made it easy for them.
Mobius: People like easy.
Loki: The first and most oppressive lie ever uttered was the song of freedom.
Mobius: How's that one go?
Loki: For nearly every living thing, choice breeds shame and uncertainty and regret. There's a fork in every road, yet the wrong path always taken.
Mobius: Good. Yeah. You said "nearly every living thing," so I'm guessing you don't fall into that category?
Ravonna Renslayer: Laufeyson. Variant L1130, AKA Loki Laufeyson, is charged with sequence violation 7-20-89. How do you plead?
Loki: Madam, a god doesn't plead. This has been a very enjoyable pantomime, but I'd like to go home now.
Ravonna Renslayer: Are you guilty or not guilty, sir?
Loki: Guilty of being the God of Mischief? Yes. Guilty of finding all this incredibly tedious? Yes. Guilty of a crime against the Sacred Timeline? Absolutely not, you have the wrong person.
Paperwork Clerk: Please sign to verify this is everything you've ever said.
(Moves pile of papers closer to Loki...)
(A paper prints out with the sentence "What?" on it and the clerk adds it to the pile...)
Paperwork Clerk: Sign this, too.
Loki: Oh, this is absurd.
(And another papers prints out...)
Paperwork Clerk: And this.