70+ Best 'The Umbrella Academy' Quotes: "Super. Dysfunctional. Family." | Page 4 of 5

The Umbrella Academy Quotes

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Harold Jenkins: I was born on the same day as the Academy kids. I think I'm like them. I must be. I haven't quite figured out what my power is... yet. But maybe with your help, we can find out.

Reginald Hargreeves: You have no power. You never will have power. Now, go home.

Harold Jenkins: No, please. Just... I... You have to let me stay. I came all this way. Please don't make me go back.

Reginald Hargreeves: A little word of advice, my boy. Not everyone in this world can be powerful. Chasing something unattainable is a recipe for a lifetime of disappointment and resentment. So get off my property.

Number Five: So, the apocalypse is in three days. The only chance we have to save our world is, well, us.

Luther Hargreeves: The Umbrella Academy.

Number Five: Yeah, but with me, obviously. So if y'all don't get your sideshow acts together and get over yourselves, we're screwed. Who cares if Dad messed us up? Are we gonna let that define us?

(Diego spends a while tying Klaus to a chair, so he can detox...)

Klaus Hargreeves: Ah, sh*t!

Diego Hargreeves: What?

Klaus Hargreeves: I need to pee.

Number Five: Okay, Luther, but be careful. I mean, I've... I've lived a long life, but... you're still a young man. You got your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste it.

Luther Hargreeves: I know you're still a good person, Five. Otherwise, you wouldn't have risked everything coming back here to save us all. But you're not on your own anymore.

Agnes: Another year or so, I will have saved enough to go.

Hazel: Hey, you might wanna... fast-track your timeline.

Agnes: Really? Why?

Hazel: Life is short.

Agnes: Hm.

Hazel: Future doesn't come with any guarantees. You want somethin' in life, you gotta go for it.

Diego Hargreeves: You okay? Wow. This is a first. My brother Klaus is silent. Last time you were this quiet, we were 12. Ran down the stairs wearing Grace's heels, tripped over, and broke your jaw. How long was it wired shut again?

Klaus Hargreeves: Eight weeks.

Diego Hargreeves: Eight glorious weeks of bliss.

Number Five: Jesus, Luther, grow up. We're not kids anymore. There's no such thing as good guys or bad guys. There's just people, goin' about their lives. But when the world ends, all those people die, including our family. Time changes everything.

Al (to Diego): You throw another one of those goddamn knives at me, I'm pressin' charges.

(Luther and Diego are looking at Five sleeping)

Diego Hargreeves: Funny. If I didn't know he was such a prick, I'd say he looks almost adorable in his sleep.

Luther Hargreeves: Well, don't worry. He'll sober up eventually. Be back to his normal, unpleasant self.

Diego Hargreeves: We just wanna protect you.

Number Five: Protect me. I don't need your protection, Diego. Do you have any idea how many people I've killed? No. I'm the Four frickin' Horsemen. The apocalypse is coming.

(Klaus is mumbling something...)

Hazel: What's he saying?

(Cha-cha takes off the tape from his mouth)

Cha-Cha: What are you sayin'?

Klaus Hargreeves: You guys are scarier without the masks.

Ben Hargreeves (to Klaus): You know what the worst part of being dead is? You're stuck. Nowhere to go. Nowhere to change. That's the real torture, if you gotta know. Watching your brother take for granted everything you lost and pissing it all away.

Hazel: What is so funny, you a**hole?

Klaus Hargreeves: Well, for one... you spent the last ten hours... beating me senseless, and... you've learned absolutely nothing. I mean, nobody tells me sh*t. The truth is, I'm the one person in that house nobody will even notice is gone. You a**holes kidnapped the wrong guy!

Leonard Peabody (to Vanya): Hey, let's make a deal. Around me, you don't have to apologize just for existing.