Klaus Hargreeves: No, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Diego Hargreeves: What?
Klaus Hargreeves: If you don't make it back, there's one thing that I need to tell you.
Diego Hargreeves: Klaus, I don't have time for this.
Klaus Hargreeves: Please.
Diego Hargreeves: What?
Klaus Hargreeves: You look like Antonio Banderas with the long hair. I just thought you should know.
Diego Hargreeves: Thanks, man.
Number Five: You're not supposed to exist in close proximity to yourself in the same timeline. The side effects can be disastrous.
Luther Hargreeves: Side effects? What sort of side effects?
Number Five: Well, according to Commission Handbook Chapter 27, subsection 3b, the seven stages in paradox psychosis are... stage one: denial, two: itching, three: extreme thirst and urination, four: excessive gas, five: acute paranoia, six: uncontrolled perspiration, and seven: homicidal rage.
Luther Hargreeves: We don't belong here. We have to go back.
Allison Hargreeves: I don't know if I can.
Luther Hargreeves: Allison... we're different than everyone else. We're special. And good or bad, that means we don't get to live normal lives. Here or anywhere.
Allison Hargreeves: It's not fair.
Luther Hargreeves: I know. But we have to risk everything to save everything. I mean, that's our best trait as a family, right?
Allison Hargreeves: What? Recklessness?
Luther Hargreeves: Hope.
Klaus Hargreeves: Oh, God, I hate this. Not being able to do anything.
Ben Hargreeves: Klaus, the way you feel right now is the way I feel every day. All I do is watch you make the same mistakes over and over and over and over and over again. Welcome to powerlessness.
Klaus Hargreeves: Oh, my God. That must suck. I'm sorry.
Ben Hargreeves: You wanna make it up to me?
Klaus Hargreeves: No!
Ben Hargreeves: Come on, please!
Klaus Hargreeves: You cannot possess me.
Klaus Hargreeves: I mean, who in this room knows sh*t about relationships? This one? In secret love with some farm Frau.
Vanya Hargreeves: Her name's Sissy.
Klaus Hargreeves: Which is an improvement on her previous love interest, the serial killer.
Vanya Hargreeves: What!?
Klaus Hargreeves: Meanwhile, I'm carrying a torch...
Allison Hargreeves (to Vanya): Later.
Klaus Hargreeves: For a soldier I haven't technically met yet, and Luther is in love with his sister.
Allison Hargreeves: Okay, again, we are not biological.
Klaus Hargreeves: Face it, the healthiest long-term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin. The only thing the Umbrella Academy knows about love... is how to screw it up.
Luther Hargreeves: Look, maybe trying to stop doomsday is exactly what starts it. Did you ever think of that?
Diego Hargreeves: Oh, so we do nothing? Since when are you a quitter?
Luther Hargreeves: Since the last time I destroyed the world by overestimating my own importance.
Diego Hargreeves: So this is about you never living up to the old man's expectations bullsh*t, huh?
Luther Hargreeves: Maybe. I don't know, I mean, we're all crazy where Dad's concerned.
Diego Hargreeves: Oh, I'm not. He's an a**hole. I'm awesome. That's very simple.