Sheldon Cooper: Are you having an allergic reaction to my boutonniere?
Leonard Hofstadter: No. I'm just so happy for you. And for me. After today, you are officially... and, more important, legally... Amy's problem.
Sheldon Cooper: Don't be silly, Leonard. I will always be your problem.
Sheldon Cooper: I'm so glad you made it, Missy. This is my fiancée, Amy. Amy, this is my sister. If I ever need a kidney, this is where you get it.
Amy Farrah Fowler: So are you feeling okay? No wedding jitters?
Sheldon Cooper: No. There is nothing in the world that would stop me from marrying you tomorrow, even me from the future coming back to prevent the wedding and the subsequent birth of a child who will destroy humanity.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Because if you came from the future, that would mean you already went through with the wedding because you believe that time travel is on a closed loop.
Sheldon Cooper: I love you so damn much.
Amy Farrah Fowler: I think it's more like, uh, like Lord of the Rings, and you're the Fellowship. Uh, someone's got to go to Gondor, someone's got to go to Mordor, someone's got to hold off the demon of shadow and flame.
Leonard Hofstadter: You mean the Balrog?
Amy Farrah Fowler: I mean my mother.
Sheldon Cooper: That is a perfect metaphor, Amy.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Thank you.
Sheldon Cooper: Because it also involves a ring that binds me in servitude forever.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Aw, he said forever.
Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, you need to apologize to your brother.
Sheldon Cooper: I'm sorry?
Leonard Hofstadter: Yes. Like that, but nicer, and that way.
Sheldon Cooper: I have nothing to apologize for.
George Cooper: I told you this was a bad idea. Sometimes you can't patch a tire. You just got to buy a new one. Actually, that's always the case. Never patch, buy new.
Amy Farrah Fowler: You didn't invite your brother to your own wedding?
Sheldon Cooper: He tormented me my whole childhood. I don't think I should reward that type of behavior with a slice of wedding cake in the shape of the Millennium Falcon.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Try again.
Sheldon Cooper: A slice of wedding cake in the shape of a cake.
Howard Wolowitz: Higgs had to wait almost 50 years before they built a collider big enough to prove his theory.
Sheldon Cooper: 50 years? But I want to play with it now.
Rajesh Koothrappali: You just have to wait for science to catch up or technology to get cheaper. Think about, uh, DVD players... they used to cost, like, a thousand dollars, but just the other day I used one to smash a bug.
(Penny and Amy are going through wedding magazines)
Amy Farrah Fowler: It's just so hard to tell what will look good on me.
Penny Hofstadter: No. This is just to give you ideas. You know, do-do you want something simple and elegant? I mean, do you want a train?
Sheldon Cooper: Ooh, we're talking about trains.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Not the kind of trains you like.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, I like all kinds of trains... steam, diesel, coal, elevated, bullet. I defy you to name a train that I don't like.
Penny Hofstadter: The kind on the back of a wedding dress?
Sheldon Cooper: I did not see that coming. Good job.
Leonard Hofstadter: What-what are you doing?
Sheldon Cooper: The light is red so I came to a stop.
Leonard Hofstadter: You're in a stolen cop car with a dead hooker in the trunk. You don't have to obey traffic laws.
Sheldon Cooper: I know I don't have to. The fun is choosing to.
Stuart: Oh... the funniest thing happened today. You know the, uh, receipt tape in the cash register? It ran out. I didn't even know it could do that.
(Leonard gets a text)
Penny Hofstadter: Who is that?
Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon.
Penny Hofstadter: Who is he mad at?
Leonard Hofstadter: Neil Gaiman.
Penny Hofstadter: Who's that?
Leonard Hofstadter: Not us.
Penny Hofstadter: Great.
Robert Wolcott: Well, let me show you around. This is the chair where I do most of my thinking, my thinking about work. Now, my thinking about people who have WRONGED me, I do over there.
Sheldon Cooper: I've always said that I should get a grudge chair. Leonard, have I not always said that?
Leonard Hofstadter: Mm, you have... but you were worried you'd spend too much time in it.
Sheldon Cooper: Yeah. That was a real concern.
Robert Wolcott: Dr. Cooper, if you can promise me these men share your intellect and academic rigor, yeah, I suppose they can join us.
Sheldon Cooper (to the guys): You guys might need to wait in the car.
Sheldon Cooper: I suppose it is time I passed this on to Leonard.
Penny Hofstadter: Thank you.
Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, thanks. I-I know that's hard for you.
Sheldon Cooper: Well, it was. But you know what? Instead of being in charge, I can now be the vocal opposition, criticizing and badgering the president at every turn.
Amy Farrah Fowler: I think you'll be really good at that.
Sheldon Cooper: Me, too.
Leonard Hofstadter: I think I've made a huge mistake.
Penny Hofstadter: Me, too.