40+ Best 'Jaskier' Quotes from The Witcher (Netflix)

Jaskier: The war brewing outside is nothing compared to what Geralt will unleash to protect his daughter.

Jaskier: Hey. You don't have to do that. You don't have to prove what you're going to be in the future. My two orens? I think you're pretty all right right now.

Ciri: Well, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

Jaskier: Ah, it's all part of my hustle. Just wait until this next hand. I'm going to mop the floor with your royal arse, milady.

(Geralt is having a conversation with Yennefer. Ciri and Jaskier are watching them, imagining what they're could be saying...)

Jaskier (as Yen): "Oh! What the hell were you thinking, fighting monsters?"

Ciri: That's not what she's saying.

Jaskier: Now, that is the role of poetry, Ciri. To say what others cannot utter. (as Geralt): "Oh, you fed her to the magical lion's den. I trusted you."

Ciri: You're just making this all up.

Jaskier: Meh. That's also the role of poetry. (as Yen): "At least she was in disguise there. Not clanging stupid swords when I told her not to draw attention to herself."

Ciri (as Geralt): "Funny, I wonder how she learned such complete and utter disregard for authority."

Jaskier: That was a good one. (as Yen): "You're unbelievable!"

Ciri (as Geralt): "You're delusional!"

Jaskier (as Yen): "I forgive you for your various foolish words and deeds. Your lack of faith and hope. For your obstinacy. Doggedness. For your sulking and posing, which are unworthy of a man."

Ciri (as Geralt): "I forgive you for being a wily witch who rarely listens and even more rarely admits to being wrong. Who is stubborn, and stuck-up, and self-righteous. Let's never do that again."

(Geralt and Yennefer start kissing...)

Jaskier (as Yen): "Mmm. Oh. Oh! Oh yes, take me." (as Geralt): "Do that thing with the tongue that I like." (as Yen): "Oh, you mean this? Bleugh, bleugh!" (as Geralt): "Oh yeah, that's the stuff. Is there a unicorn nearby, by any chance? Oh!" (to Ciri): Come on, you deviant.

Ciri: I shouldn't have left. I'm sorry.

Yennefer: I shouldn't have given you a reason to leave. I'm sorry. Let's never do that again. (Yen hugs Ciri) Jaskier, if you would.

Jaskier: Hmm? Ooh, yes. Uh, yeah, absolutely. Come on, kiddo. Why don't you tell me all about how you slayed the sea monster all on your own whilst Geralt sat around on his arse all afternoon, eh?

Jaskier (to Ciri): Well, if it isn't my favorite pocket-sized princess. How are you? How are the lessons going?

Geralt: Tread lightly around the magic lessons.

Ciri: He's not actually talking about my lessons. He's talking about your lessons in smiling. Work in progress.

Jaskier: Yeah.

Jaskier: Neutrality has consequences too, Geralt.

Geralt: There are already consequences, Jaskier. And not just for Ciri. I thought by taking her off the board, the world would stop trying to use her. Instead, they're trying to use others in her place.

Jaskier: And they will continue to. Because that is what people in power do. But she's not a witcher. She's certainly not an Aretuzan witch sourcing magic out of... stones, or hemp, or plants, or whatever it is that Yennefer does. She's a princess. I think you should trust her.

Geralt: Her source.

Jaskier: Her... what now?

Geralt: You're right.

Jaskier: I'm right... Well, that's deeply worrying. What?

Otto: I'm not a druid. I'm a werewolf.

Jaskier: Whoa. What? You're... What? Uh, a...

Otto: I was bit, back in the plague of '21. Went out to the woods to isolate. Avoid the disease. Was so worried about boils and sh*tting myself to death, I wasn't thinking about werewolves.

Jaskier: Priority, yeah. I get it.

Vespula: You like him!

Jaskier: Who, Geralt? Yeah, I guess. Platonically, and occasionally with great effort, as one would a family goat. Hang on, when did you get dressed?

Vespula: I mean the spoon guy.

Jaskier: What, Radovid? No!

Vespula: Yes.

Jaskier: No!

Vespula: I've cursed you for chasing tail of every kind. Men, women, dwarves, elves, polymorphous...

Jaskier: That was one time and I... regret nothing. It was amazing.

Vespula: Hmm. But never have I ever seen you have a crush.

Jaskier: A crush? Oh, you think I have crushes. Crushes are for children, my darling. I have mind-bending... world-ending, heart-wrenching affairs.

Vespula: Whatever you say. The Lothario of Lyria. The Romancer of Redania! The Stud of Cidaris!

(Knock on the door...)

Geralt: Jaskier.

Jaskier (to Vespula): For f**k's... Sorry. It's the family goat.

Jaskier: Geralt is... a hammer. You know? You're confused. All right... Wait... Okay. Ah... When you're a hammer, every problem is a nail. You see a nail and you're like, "Grrr. F**k this nail. F**k this nail, in particular." And you hammer the nail. But sometimes the problem is something else. Sometimes the problem is, uh... a bunch of petunias, or a bowl of... porridge, and you can't hammer a bowl of porridge. I mean, you can try, but then your hammer gets all gunked up, porridge goes everywhere, and then you have... no porridge. The solution requires a different kind of tool. And Radovid... is that tool. Radovid is... a spoon.

Vespula: Oh, obviously.

Jaskier: Obviously. Yeah. Aah... Yeah, I'm aware this doesn't make a lot of sense. What I'm trying to say is, the problem is different. The solution needs to be different. And Radovid... is different. He's intelligent. He tries to hide it, but he's insightful. Sharp... like a knife. If he's a knife, I need to keep him away from Geralt.

Jaskier: Whoa! Is that a giant metal spike hidden in your secret door of mystery or are you just pleased to...

Geralt: Not your best.

Jaskier: Yeah, can't all be gold.

Jaskier: I'll never get over how cute they look, you know? For monsters. I mean, they've got these little teddy bear faces, and they're like... "No, please, don't hurt me!" And then, wham, fangs. Just, like, a boatload of fangs. All up in your business. How many people did you say this thing ate?

Geralt: Seven.

Jaskier: Yikes.

Ciri (to Jaskier): You're the bravest bait that ever lived.

Jaskier: Whew! Promise me we will never do that again.

Geralt: Thank you, Jaskier.

(Jaskier gets shot by an arrow in his shoulder...)

Jaskier: Oh, if I die, promise me Valdo Marx will not play at my funeral.

Geralt: You'll be fine. Your lute, on the other hand, has seen better days.

(shows him his lute also got hit by an arrow)

Geralt: We're not gonna let anything happen to you, Jaskier.

Yennefer: I saved your arse once. I can do it again, Pankratz.

Jaskier: You didn't save me... She didn't save me. She... She didn't! But seriously though, you are gonna save me, right?

Jaskier: Bait! I rode for days to get here, battling hunger, battling the elements, only to discover upon my arrival that I'm being used as bait.

Ciri: Jaskier, me. I am the bait. Rience is after me.

Jaskier: Yes, which means he wants you alive, and me very much not alive. You see my anxiety?

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