Dwight Schrute Quotes

Dwight Schrute: The purse girl hits everything on my checklist. Creamy skin, straight teeth, curly hair, amazing breasts… not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.

Dwight Schrute: Studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage because… I bring my own water to work.

(Dwight moves the water cooler next to his desk)

Stanley Hudson: Why’d you do this?

Dwight Schrute: I didn’t do it. What do you mean? Oh, the water cooler was brought over here for… maintenance.

Dwight Schrute: What did I do? I did my job. I slashed benefits to the bone, I saved this company money. Was I too harsh? Maybe. I dont believe in coddling people, in the wild there is no health care. In the wild health care is: Ow, I hurt my leg, I can’t run, a lion eats me and I’m dead. Well, I’m not dead. I’m the lion. You’re dead.

Mr. Brown: Now, this is a simple acronym. HERO. Uh, at Diversity Today, we believe it is very easy to be a HERO. All you need are Honesty, Empathy, Respect and Open-mindedness.

Dwight Schrute: Excuse me, I’m sorry, but that’s not all it takes to be a hero.

Mr. Brown: Oh, great. Well, what is a hero to you?

Dwight Schrute: A hero kills people, people that wish him harm.

Mr. Brown: OK.

Dwight Schrute: A hero is part-human and part-supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma, or out of a disaster hat must be avenged.

Mr. Brown: Ok, you’re thinking of a superhero.

Dwight Schrute: We all have a hero in our heart.

Dwight Schrute: Information is power.