Ross Geller: We're all adults here. There's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies you have to show her your pee-pee.
Chandler Bing: You know, I don't see that happening.
Rachel Green: Come on. He's right. Tit for tat.
Chandler Bing: Well, I'm not showing you my tat!
Roger: You're so funny! He's really funny. I wouldn't wanna be there when the laughter stops.
Chandler Bing: Whoa, back up there, sparky. What did you mean by that?
Roger: Just seems that maybe you have intimacy issues... that you use your humor to keep people at a distance. I mean, I just met you. I don't know you from Adam. Only child, right? Parents divorced before you hit puberty.
Chandler Bing: How did you know that?
Roger: It's textbook.
Ross Geller: It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.
Chandler Bing: I know.
Monica Geller: So how does this work? You're gonna balance plates on these little guys' heads?
Joey Tribbiani: Who cares? We'll eat at the sink.
Joey Tribbiani: Here, how about that one?
Chandler Bing: That's patio furniture.
Joey Tribbiani: So what? Like people will come in and think, "Oh oh, I'm outside again."
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Chandler. That table place closes at 7. Come on.
Chandler Bing: Fine.
(They start to walk towards the door...)
Monica Geller: Phoebe? What is it?
Phoebe Buffay: All right. You know Paolo?
Ross Geller: I'm familiar with his work. Yes.
Phoebe Buffay: He made a move on me.
Joey Tribbiani: The store will be open tomorrow. (they come and sit down again)
Joey Tribbiani: How about if we split it?
Chandler Bing: What do you mean, buy it together?
Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.
Chandler Bing: Do you think we're ready for that?
Joey Tribbiani: Why not?
Chandler Bing: It's a pretty big commitment.
Phoebe Buffay: I have 12 new songs about my mother's suicide and one about a snowman.
Chandler Bing: You might wanna open with the snowman.
(Later Phoebe's performance begins...)
Phoebe Buffay: I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year...
I made a man with eyes of coal
And a smile so bewitching
How was I supposed to know
That my mom was dead in the kitchen?
My mother's ashes
Even her eyelashes
Are resting in a little yellow jar
And sometimes when it's freezing
I feel a little sneezy...
Ross Geller: Come on. Seriously, Joey, what's the part?
(Joey mumbles something)
Rachel Green: You're.... What?
Joey Tribbiani: I'm his butt double, okay? I play Al Pacino's butt. All right? He goes into the shower, and then... I'm his butt.
Monica Geller: Oh, my God!
Joey Tribbiani: Come on, you guys. It's a real movie and Al Pacino's in it, that's big!
Chandler Bing: It's terrific. You deserve this. After years of struggling you've cracked your way into show business.
Phoebe Buffay: I can't believe you tried to move the green ottoman.
Chandler Bing: Thank God, you didn't try to fan out the magazines. She'll scratch your eyes right out.
Monica Geller: You guys, I am not that bad!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, you are, Monica. Remember, I lived with you? You were a little... you know...
Monica Geller: That is so unfair!
Ross Geller: Oh, come on! When we were kids, yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy.
Chandler Bing: How would your husband feel about you sitting here with me... sliding your foot so far up my leg you can count the change in my pocket?
Woman: Don't worry. He'd be okay with you because he's okay with Ethan.
Chandler Bing: Ethan? There's an Ethan?
Woman: Ethan is my boyfriend.
Chandler Bing: What kind of relationship do you imagine us having... if you have a husband and a boyfriend?
Woman: I suppose, mainly sexual.
Monica Geller: Sorry it didn't work out.
Chandler Bing: What, not work out? I'm seeing her again on Thursday. Didn't you listen to the story?
Chandler Bing: How do you do that?
Phoebe Buffay: It's like a gift.
Chandler Bing: We should always always break up together.
Phoebe Buffay: I'd like that!
(Ross is showing the group video from ultrasound...)
Ross Geller: Well, isn't that amazing?
Joey Tribbiani: What are we supposed to be seeing here?
Chandler Bing: I don't know, but I think it's about to attack the Enterprise.
Phoebe Buffay: You know, if you tilt your head to the left and relax your eyes... it kind of looks like an old potato.
Ross Geller: Then don't do that, all right?