50+ Best 'Chandler Bing' Quotes | Page 3 of 5 | Scattered Quotes

Chandler Bing Quotes

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Ross Geller: We're all adults here. There's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies you have to show her your pee-pee.

Chandler Bing: You know, I don't see that happening.

Rachel Green: Come on. He's right. Tit for tat.

Chandler Bing: Well, I'm not showing you my tat!


Roger: You're so funny! He's really funny. I wouldn't wanna be there when the laughter stops.

Chandler Bing: Whoa, back up there, sparky. What did you mean by that?

Roger: Just seems that maybe you have intimacy issues... that you use your humor to keep people at a distance. I mean, I just met you. I don't know you from Adam. Only child, right? Parents divorced before you hit puberty.

Chandler Bing: How did you know that?

Roger: It's textbook.


Ross Geller: It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.

Chandler Bing: I know.

Monica Geller: So how does this work? You're gonna balance plates on these little guys' heads?

Joey Tribbiani: Who cares? We'll eat at the sink.


Joey Tribbiani: Here, how about that one?

Chandler Bing: That's patio furniture.

Joey Tribbiani: So what? Like people will come in and think, "Oh oh, I'm outside again."


Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Chandler. That table place closes at 7. Come on.

Chandler Bing: Fine.

(They start to walk towards the door...)

Monica Geller: Phoebe? What is it?

Phoebe Buffay: All right. You know Paolo?

Ross Geller: I'm familiar with his work. Yes.

Phoebe Buffay: He made a move on me.

Joey Tribbiani: The store will be open tomorrow. (they come and sit down again)


Joey Tribbiani: How about if we split it?

Chandler Bing: What do you mean, buy it together?

Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.

Chandler Bing: Do you think we're ready for that?

Joey Tribbiani: Why not?

Chandler Bing: It's a pretty big commitment.


Phoebe Buffay: I have 12 new songs about my mother's suicide and one about a snowman.

Chandler Bing: You might wanna open with the snowman.

(Later Phoebe's performance begins...)

Phoebe Buffay: I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year...

I made a man with eyes of coal

And a smile so bewitching

How was I supposed to know

That my mom was dead in the kitchen?


My mother's ashes

Even her eyelashes

Are resting in a little yellow jar

And sometimes when it's freezing

I feel a little sneezy...


Chandler Bing: That monkey's got a Ross on his ass.


Ross Geller: Come on. Seriously, Joey, what's the part?

(Joey mumbles something)

Rachel Green: You're.... What?

Joey Tribbiani: I'm his butt double, okay? I play Al Pacino's butt. All right? He goes into the shower, and then... I'm his butt.

Monica Geller: Oh, my God!

Joey Tribbiani: Come on, you guys. It's a real movie and Al Pacino's in it, that's big!

Chandler Bing: It's terrific. You deserve this. After years of struggling you've cracked your way into show business.


Phoebe Buffay: I can't believe you tried to move the green ottoman.

Chandler Bing: Thank God, you didn't try to fan out the magazines. She'll scratch your eyes right out.

Monica Geller: You guys, I am not that bad!

Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, you are, Monica. Remember, I lived with you? You were a little... you know...

Monica Geller: That is so unfair!

Ross Geller: Oh, come on! When we were kids, yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy.


Chandler Bing: How would your husband feel about you sitting here with me... sliding your foot so far up my leg you can count the change in my pocket?

Woman: Don't worry. He'd be okay with you because he's okay with Ethan.

Chandler Bing: Ethan? There's an Ethan?

Woman: Ethan is my boyfriend.

Chandler Bing: What kind of relationship do you imagine us having... if you have a husband and a boyfriend?

Woman: I suppose, mainly sexual.

Monica Geller: Sorry it didn't work out.

Chandler Bing: What, not work out? I'm seeing her again on Thursday. Didn't you listen to the story?


Chandler Bing: How do you do that?

Phoebe Buffay: It's like a gift.

Chandler Bing: We should always always break up together.

Phoebe Buffay: I'd like that!


(Ross is showing the group video from ultrasound...)

Ross Geller: Well, isn't that amazing?

Joey Tribbiani: What are we supposed to be seeing here?

Chandler Bing: I don't know, but I think it's about to attack the Enterprise.

Phoebe Buffay: You know, if you tilt your head to the left and relax your eyes... it kind of looks like an old potato.

Ross Geller: Then don't do that, all right?