70+ Best 'Chandler Bing' Quotes from Friends (TV Series) | Page 5 of 5

Phoebe Buffay: You guys, do you know anything about chicks?

Chandler Bing: Fowl? No. Women? No.

Chandler Bing: So after you put the suggestion in the box... how long did it take for the roller skating to happen?

Phoebe Buffay: About three months.

Chandler Bing: Okay, so I guess that's about two weeks before the topless thing kicks in.

Ross Geller: How come it says, "Property of Human Services" on his butt? Come here. Come here.

Chandler Bing: Stay back! I've got kiwi! Run, Joey, run!

Quote from Friends 2x06 - Joey Tribbiani: We'll flip for it. Ducks or clowns. Chandler Bing: Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby? Joey Tribbiani: You got a better idea? Chandler Bing: All right, call it in the air. Joey Tribbiani: Heads. Chandler Bing: Heads, it is. Joey Tribbiani: Yes! Chandler Bing: We have to assign heads to something! Joey Tribbiani: Right! Okay, okay... Ducks is heads because ducks have heads. Chandler Bing: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?

Chandler Bing: Please tell me you know which one is our baby.

Joey Tribbiani: Well, that one has ducks on his T-shirt and this one has clowns. And Ben was definitely wearing ducks. Or clowns. Oh, oh wait! That one's Ben! Remember he had that cute little mole by his mouth!

Chandler Bing: Yeah? Hey, Ben! Remember us? Okay, the mole came off.

Chandler Bing (on the phone): I'm doing research for a book and I was wondering what somebody might do if they left a baby on a city bus. Yes, I do realize that would be very stupid character.

Joey Tribbiani: Hi, here's the deal: We lost a car seat on a bus today. It's white plastic with a handle and it fits onto a stroller. Oh, and there was a baby in it. He wants to talk to you again.

Woman (to Chandler and Joey): I think, it's great you guys are doing this.

Chandler Bing: Well, we are great guys.

Woman: You know, my brother and his boyfriend have been trying to adopt for three years. What agency did you two go through?

12 Best Friends Quotes from 'The One with the Thumb' (1x03) - Chandler Bing: Game's over. I'm weak. I've gotta smoke. I've gotta have the smoke. (Chandler is leaving the apartment to have a smoke) Phoebe Buffay: If you never smoke again, I'll give you $7000. Chandler Bing: Yeah, all right. (comes back)

Phoebe Buffay: You know, those stupid soda people gave me $7000 for the thumb.

Ross Geller: Oh, my God.

Chandler Bing: Are you kidding me?

Rachel Green: Seven thousand dollars?

Phoebe Buffay: And on my way over here, I stepped in gum. What is up with the universe?

Chandler Bing: So I have a flaw. (his flaw = smoking) Big deal. Like Joey’s constant knuckle-cracking isn’t annoying? And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word. And Monica, with that snort when she laughs. I mean, what the hell is that thing? I accept all those flaws. Why can’t you accept me for this?

Ross Geller: A thumb? (in her soda can)

All five: Ew.

Phoebe Buffay: I know, I know. I opened it up and there it was… just floating in there, like this tiny little hitchhiker.

Chandler Bing: Maybe it’s a contest, you know’? Like “Collect all five.”

Phoebe Buffay: There’s 500 extra dollars in my account!

Chandler Bing: Oh, Satan’s minions at work again.

Joey Tribbiani: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea–Angela–Andrea… Oh man…

Chandler Bing: Angela’s the screamer, Andrea has cats.

Joey Tribbiani: Right. Thanks. It’s June. I’m outta here.

Joey Tribbiani: She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get?

Ross Geller: You guys.

Chandler Bing: Oh, God.

Joey Tribbiani: You got screwed.

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