70+ Best 'Chandler Bing' Quotes from Friends (TV Series) | Page 3 of 5

Joey Tribbiani: My agent wants a more neutral name.

Chandler Bing: Joey Switzerland?

Joey Tribbiani: Plus, I think it should be Joe. Joey makes me sound like I'm this big: Which I'm not.

Chandler Bing: Joe, Joe, Joe... Stalin?

Joey Tribbiani: Stalin. Stalin... Do I know that name? That sounds familiar.

Chandler Bing: Well, it does not ring a bell with me.

Joey Tribbiani: Joe Stalin. You know, that's pretty good.

Chandler Bing: You might wanna try Joseph.

Joey Tribbiani: Joseph Stalin. I think you'd remember that.

Chandler Bing: Oh yes. Bye Bye Birdie, starring Joseph Stalin. Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof.

Ross Geller: Stop humping. Now, Marcel, come... Come here, Marcel.

Rachel Green: Oh, no. Not in my room. I'll get him.

Monica Geller: You've got to do something about the humping.

Ross Geller: What? It's just a phase.

Chandler Bing: Well, that's what we said about Joey.

Monica Geller: There's some creep out there with a telescope.

Ross Geller: I can't believe it. He's looking right at us.

Rachel Green: Oh, that is so sick.

Chandler Bing: I feel violated. And not in a good way.

Phoebe Buffay: How can people do that? You guys, look. Ugly Naked Guy got gravity boots.

Chandler Bing (on the phone with his boss): Hey, Mr. Costilick. How's life on the 15th floor? Yeah, I miss you too. It's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home. That's very generous. But this isn't about the money. I need something more than a job. I need something I really care ab... That's on top of the year-end bonus?

Ross and Joey: Dream! Your dream!

Chandler Bing: Look, Al, I'm not playing hardball here, okay? This is not a negotiation. This is a rejection! Stop saying numbers! I'm telling you, you've got the wrong guy! You've got the wrong guy! I'll see you Monday!

Chandler Bing: How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day?

Joey Tribbiani: I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.

Chandler Bing: In my next life, I'm coming back as a toilet brush.

Joey Tribbiani: We might be leaving now.

Chandler Bing: Tell me it's you and me "we."

Joey Tribbiani: She wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is! But I definitely want to be a part of it!

Joey Tribbiani: It's just... you know, they're parents. After a certain point, you gotta let go. Even if you know better... You gotta let them make their own mistakes.

Rachel Green: And think, in a couple of years, we'll turn into them.

Chandler Bing: Oh, please. If I turn into my parents, I'll be an alcoholic blond chasing after twenty-year-old boys... or I'll end up like my mom!

Ronni: Most people, when their pets pass on... want them like they're sleeping. Occasionally you get a person who wants them in a pose. Like chasing their tail. Or jumping to catch a Frisbee.

Chandler Bing: Joey, if I go first, I wanna be looking for my keys.

Ross Geller: We're all adults here. There's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies you have to show her your pee-pee.

Chandler Bing: You know, I don't see that happening.

Rachel Green: Come on. He's right. Tit for tat.

Chandler Bing: Well, I'm not showing you my tat!

Roger: You're so funny! He's really funny. I wouldn't wanna be there when the laughter stops.

Chandler Bing: Whoa, back up there, sparky. What did you mean by that?

Roger: Just seems that maybe you have intimacy issues... that you use your humor to keep people at a distance. I mean, I just met you. I don't know you from Adam. Only child, right? Parents divorced before you hit puberty.

Chandler Bing: How did you know that?

Roger: It's textbook.

Ross Geller: It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.

Chandler Bing: I know.

Monica Geller: So how does this work? You're gonna balance plates on these little guys' heads?

Joey Tribbiani: Who cares? We'll eat at the sink.

Joey Tribbiani: Here, how about that one?

Chandler Bing: That's patio furniture.

Joey Tribbiani: So what? Like people will come in and think, "Oh oh, I'm outside again."

Joey Tribbiani: Hey, Chandler. That table place closes at 7. Come on.

Chandler Bing: Fine.

(They start to walk towards the door...)

Monica Geller: Phoebe? What is it?

Phoebe Buffay: All right. You know Paolo?

Ross Geller: I'm familiar with his work. Yes.

Phoebe Buffay: He made a move on me.

Joey Tribbiani: The store will be open tomorrow. (they come and sit down again)

Joey Tribbiani: How about if we split it?

Chandler Bing: What do you mean, buy it together?

Joey Tribbiani: Yeah.

Chandler Bing: Do you think we're ready for that?

Joey Tribbiani: Why not?

Chandler Bing: It's a pretty big commitment.

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