Amy Farrah Fowler: I thought I'd surprise you with dinner.
Sheldon Cooper: For future reference, the best surprises are the ones I know about three days in advance.
Sheldon Cooper (about Wil): He's now on my enemies list forever. He's totally cut off.
Arthur Jeffries: Interesting. Can-can anyone sign-sign up for that list?
Rajesh Koothrappali: You know who'd make a great Professor Proton? Meryl Streep.
Howard Wolowitz: She's not a scientist.
Rajesh Koothrappali: Uh, then explain to me why she has chemistry with literally everyone.
Amy Farrah Fowler: It would be nice if they cast a woman.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, you've already got Doctor Who and the Ghostbusters. Leave us something.
Howard Wolowitz: Based on that ring on your finger, I'd say you're pretty good at controlling robots.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Careful, that's my fiancé you're talking about, and I can program him to hurt you.
Beverly Hofstadter (about Penny): She's confident, she's thoughtful, and she never complained about you once. I know what kind of strength that takes.
Leonard Hofstadter: So, Penny's your favorite?
Beverly Hofstadter: I suppose she is. You married well, Leonard, and for that I am proud of you.
Leonard Hofstadter: I don't... I don't... I don't know what to say.
Beverly Hofstadter: I'm also proud of how hard you're trying not to cry.
Rajesh Koothrappali: You don't know what this little boy's gonna be like. Maybe he'll be rough and tumble, or maybe he'll be sweet and sensitive, or maybe he'll be all those things, like me.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: You're rough and tumble?
Rajesh Koothrappali: You bet I am, bitch. But I'm also sensitive and regret saying that.
Leonard Hofstadter: Look at this. They didn't get the stain out of my Starfleet uniform.
Penny Hofstadter: Well, if you didn't make me wear the green body paint in bed, you wouldn't have to get it dry-cleaned so much.
Leonard Hofstadter: Nah, it's worth it.
Howard Wolowitz: Now I'm having a son? I'll have to teach him how to play sports, and-and watch sports and-and-and-and-and-and...
Rajesh Koothrappali: He just ran out of man things. He's in trouble.
Leonard Hofstadter: It's okay. We're all here to help.
Sheldon Cooper: Yes. And this baby will have plenty of manly role models. Now, I'm certain that whatever Bernadette can't teach him, Penny can.
Leonard Hofstadter: Uh, she can pee into a bottle.
Penny Hofstadter: Mm-hmm. Anything with a neck wider than a nickel.
Sheldon Cooper (to Amy): I want you to be in charge of our wedding. Just you tell me where and when, and I will show up with a boutonniere and close-toed shoes and a... a Star Trek uniform underneath my tuxedo. That last part is non-negotiable.
Sheldon Cooper: You're proposing that the self is an illusion, and that we actually have multiple centers of consciousness that are communicating with one another?
Penny Hofstadter: In laymen's terms, yeah.
Sheldon Cooper: Huh. Interesting. So you don't believe there's a Cartesian self that underlies the flux of experience?
Penny Hofstadter: Maybe in my twenties, not anymore.
Amy Farrah Fowler: It's plausible that when we're asleep, aspects of our personality that we repress might come out.
Sheldon Cooper: Don't try to put science lipstick on your New Age pig! And for the record, you make noises when you sleep, and I've never accused you of repressing your inner chainsaw.