100+ Best 'Shameless' Quotes: 'This ain't no tea party." | Page 7 of 8

(Mother is dropping a kid for Debbie to babysit...)

Mother (to Fiona): Her nose has been running, but I think it's just the glue that Jeff's been using on the new kitchen linoleum. Bye, baby. Oh, and please, no gluten.

Debbie Gallagher: Gluten?

Fiona Gallagher: Who knows.

(Lip leaves to see Karen...)

Mandy Milkovich: Karen Jackson? After that thing with your dad?

Lip Gallagher: I'm sneaking antibiotics into his toothpaste, just in case.

(Fiona puts her ankle behind her head and sings while Steve is taking a video of her)

Debbie Gallagher: Am I going to have to learn how to do that when I start having sex?

Fiona Gallagher: This has nothing to do with sex.

Debbie Gallagher: Then it's even weirder.

Quote from Shameless 1x10 | Ian Gallagher: I, I miss you. Mickey Milkovich: You say that again, I'll rip your tongue out of your head. Take your hand off the glass. Ian Gallagher: Oh.

Lip Gallagher: Mandy...

Mandy Milkovich: Lip.

Lip Gallagher: It's a nice outfit. What is that... uh, pirate wench?

Mandy Milkovich: You like?

Simon: I got a signed first edition of Harry Potter.

Debbie Gallagher: Overrated. Made a better movie than a book. And now with all those kid actors grown up, they're scarier looking than the villains.

Doctor: Uh, we'd like you to participate in our medical study.

Frank Gallagher: Your what?

Doctor: In my whole career, I've never seen such a spectacular display of alcoholism.

Frank Gallagher: Thank you.

Doctor: Would you be able to abstain from alcohol for two weeks?

Frank Gallagher: No.

Doctor: We could offer you $3,000.

Frank Gallagher: Yes.

(After Linda found out about Ian and Kash...)

Ian Gallagher: I'm sorry.

Linda: You're not fired. My opinion? You could do better.

Ian Gallagher: Linda, I just got your message. What's up?

(Linda punches Ian)

Linda: That's for screwing my husband!

Kash: What are you gonna tell the kids?

Linda: I'm not.

Kash: What about my mom?

Linda: You b*stard! What about me?

Kash: Do you want me to go?

Linda: Wh... Where does that leave me? Starting over? I'm a white Muslim.

Mickey Milkovich (to Ian): Kiss me, and I'll cut your f**king tongue out.

Quote from Shameless 1x07 | Terry Milkovich (to Mickey and Ian): Put some clothes on. You two look like a couple of fags.

(Sheila is taking out Karen's old toys for Liam and gives him a choice between a baby doll and a Barbie)

Sheila Jackson: Ooh, which one do you like better... the baby or the wh*re? Which one, sweet baby? (Liam takes the Barbie) The wh*re, okay.

Quote from Shameless 1x06 | Fiona Gallagher: Carl, we're serious. The stakes are really, really high. We love you, and we need you in this family. In this house. You need to stop biting and punching and hurting people. Carl Gallagher: Well, how else do I make them cry? Lip Gallagher: Gossip and slander. Steve: You know, when I get really angry, I usually just count to ten. Lip Gallagher: Hey, little man, tell you what we're gonna do. We're gonna get you some pads and some skates. Get you out on the ice. You can take your frustrations out with a hockey stick. Ian Gallagher: Yeah. You can come to karate with me. Remember when I broke Kyle Boozlee's leg? It took three pins to put it back together, huh? Debbie Gallagher: You can't beat karate when it comes to regulated, sanctioned violence for children.

Karen Jackson: Hey, Louise got an "A" on the paper you wrote for her English class. How do you keep doing that?

Lip Gallagher: Well, to master the art of the book report, you just take any novel, no matter when it was written, and you argue that the main character is a latent homosexual. No, seriously. Seriously. Now, most English teachers are either gay and agree, or they're straight, but too scared to disagree and get labeled as intolerant.

Kevin Ball: I thought you didn't want to have any kids.

Veronica Fisher: Based on what?

Kevin Ball: You saying how much you hate 'em.

Veronica Fisher: Yeah, other people's. But I might not mind having a baby Kev runnin' round.

Kevin Ball: A little "tomorrow person"?

Fiona Gallagher: What?

Kevin Ball: That's what I call little mixed-race babies: Tomorrow people. Little people of tomorrow.

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