100+ Best 'Shameless' Quotes: 'This ain't no tea party." | Page 7 of 8 | Scattered Quotes

Shameless Quotes

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(Mother is dropping a kid for Debbie to babysit...)

Mother (to Fiona): Her nose has been running, but I think it's just the glue that Jeff's been using on the new kitchen linoleum. Bye, baby. Oh, and please, no gluten.

Debbie Gallagher: Gluten?

Fiona Gallagher: Who knows.

(Lip leaves to see Karen...)

Mandy Milkovich: Karen Jackson? After that thing with your dad?

Lip Gallagher: I'm sneaking antibiotics into his toothpaste, just in case.

(Fiona puts her ankle behind her head and sings while Steve is taking a video of her)

Debbie Gallagher: Am I going to have to learn how to do that when I start having sex?

Fiona Gallagher: This has nothing to do with sex.

Debbie Gallagher: Then it's even weirder.

Lip Gallagher: Mandy...

Mandy Milkovich: Lip.

Lip Gallagher: It's a nice outfit. What is that... uh, pirate wench?

Mandy Milkovich: You like?

Simon: I got a signed first edition of Harry Potter.

Debbie Gallagher: Overrated. Made a better movie than a book. And now with all those kid actors grown up, they're scarier looking than the villains.

Doctor: Uh, we'd like you to participate in our medical study.

Frank Gallagher: Your what?

Doctor: In my whole career, I've never seen such a spectacular display of alcoholism.

Frank Gallagher: Thank you.

Doctor: Would you be able to abstain from alcohol for two weeks?

Frank Gallagher: No.

Doctor: We could offer you $3,000.

Frank Gallagher: Yes.

(After Linda found out about Ian and Kash...)

Ian Gallagher: I'm sorry.

Linda: You're not fired. My opinion? You could do better.

Ian Gallagher: Linda, I just got your message. What's up?

(Linda punches Ian)

Linda: That's for screwing my husband!

Kash: What are you gonna tell the kids?

Linda: I'm not.

Kash: What about my mom?

Linda: You b*stard! What about me?

Kash: Do you want me to go?

Linda: Wh... Where does that leave me? Starting over? I'm a white Muslim.

Mickey Milkovich (to Ian): Kiss me, and I'll cut your f**king tongue out.

(Sheila is taking out Karen's old toys for Liam and gives him a choice between a baby doll and a Barbie)

Sheila Jackson: Ooh, which one do you like better... the baby or the wh*re? Which one, sweet baby? (Liam takes the Barbie) The wh*re, okay.

Karen Jackson: Hey, Louise got an "A" on the paper you wrote for her English class. How do you keep doing that?

Lip Gallagher: Well, to master the art of the book report, you just take any novel, no matter when it was written, and you argue that the main character is a latent homosexual. No, seriously. Seriously. Now, most English teachers are either gay and agree, or they're straight, but too scared to disagree and get labeled as intolerant.

Kevin Ball: I thought you didn't want to have any kids.

Veronica Fisher: Based on what?

Kevin Ball: You saying how much you hate 'em.

Veronica Fisher: Yeah, other people's. But I might not mind having a baby Kev runnin' round.

Kevin Ball: A little "tomorrow person"?

Fiona Gallagher: What?

Kevin Ball: That's what I call little mixed-race babies: Tomorrow people. Little people of tomorrow.