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(Catherine is trying to commit suicide, but can't make herself quite do it...)

Marial: Would you like a cake with that knife, Empress?

Catherine: Do not try to stop me. Just leave me be.

Marial: I would not presume to speak. For the empress is so smart, and book readingly, that I'm sure her judgment is sound.

Catherine: I am resolved.

Marial: Vlad will get a bucket for the blood.

Vlad: Yes, miss.

Catherine: There is no other way. I am a prisoner here.

Marial: Indeed.

Catherine: Married to an idiot.

(Moment later...)

Marial: Towels, too, Vlad. There may be some overflow.

(Later...)

Marial: I will get coins to place on your eyes.

Peter: What the f*ck's going on, Archie? You said she was the one. You said you'd seen it. You said she'd make me happy.

Archie: I...

Peter: Do I look happy? Grigor, my face.

Grigor: Oh, discontented at the minimum.

Peter: At the f**king minimum.

Peter: Madame Georgina Dymov. Take the empress to the other ladies, and speak of hats.

Marial: Are you ready for tonight? You do know what to expect?

Catherine: You suppose me more naive than I am. My mother has explained everything.

Marial: She has?

Catherine: The man caresses you softly, pressing his lips to yours. Your breasts and skin awaken and shiver with palpitating joy. Between your legs quivers and moistens with longing. He enters you and you become one. Your bodies meld, your souls mesh. As a sensation takes hold of you, you fall into a black sky filled with the shiniest of stars. You float for a time in ecstasy, before waves of pleasure push and pull you back into your body. Your body ushers forth yelps, and sometimes song, before he and you explode within, collapsing together, spent and unified. Then, you lay together, laughing softly, weeping occasionally with ecstatic joy, and finally, he wraps his arms around you, whispers poetry softly into your ear, and you fall into a... delicious sleep.

Marial: Yep, that's pretty much it.

Peter: A toast to my new wife, the new empress of Russia! Huzzah!

(Catherine stands up to give a speech...)

Catherine: It is a...

Peter: No, you don't talk, my love.

Catherine: Oh. Of course. (sits down again)

Nora Antony: I feel something for you that I just don't feel anywhere else, anytime else, with anyone else. And if I'm being honest... those moments are the only things I care about. And... if you make a fool of me and trick me, like Jamie... I'm going to have to take that risk. I love you, Nathan. Can you handle me saying that? Nathan? (Nathan runs out of data)

Luke: So you do remember me?

Nathan Brown: Yeah. No, I just told her I didn't remember 'cause I had no idea what to say. I was so f**king embarrassed.

Luke: Thank God, because I don't think I could repeat the earlier beats of our relationship. That kind of magic doesn't strike twice.

Ingrid Kannerman: I've just been dumped.

Oliver Kannerman: Well, can't say I didn't predict that. (Ingrid dumps food on the carpet) Your maid is cleaning that up.

Ingrid Kannerman: Make her.

Nathan Brown: I mean, I was barely aware I was alive. Just kind of went to clubs and did my work. Was a bit of an asshole. But... now, my eyes have been opened to a lot of things. I'm starting to really appreciate what I have. I mean, if you said, right now, I could go back the way things were before, I don't know if I'd do it.

Dave Antony: This experience has been that good?

Nathan Brown: In some ways, yeah. I mean, I met your daughter here, and she's better than any friend I had before. Even if we last for a thousand years here, it's gonna feel short when it's over, and we're out of time with the people we care about. I think that's what really matters.

Dave Antony: You actually have some depth to you.

Nathan Brown: Maybe even a soul?

Dave Antony: At least a personality.

Nathan Brown: I'll take it.

(Luke uses other finger insted of the middle finger...)

Aleesha: Thank you! (takes away his fingers) My "fingers and d*cks" file is bulging.

Luke: When do you start taking dicks?

Aleesha: When there's no more fingers.

Luke: What about toes? You're skipping toes!

Luke: F**k you.

(Luke give her the middle finger, Aleesha takes the finger away...)

Aleesha: That's going in my "fingers and d*cks" file.

Luke: Give me back my f**k-you finger!

Aleesha: When you improve your attitude.

(AI at the store aisle scans Byron...)

AI: Your condom size is medium.

Byron: Uh... Yeah, I'm gonna take the large.

Intercom announcement: Condom size dispute. Aisle four.

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