Bronn: The little king's backed up. Clogged from balls to brains.
Tyrion Lannister: You think dipping his wick will cure what ails him?
Bronn: There's no cure for being a c*nt. But the boy's at that age. And he's got nothing to do all day but pick wings off flies. Couldn't hurt to get some of the poison out.
Varys: Three great men sit in a room. A king, a priest and a rich man. Between them stands a common Sellsword. Each great man bids the Sellsword kill the other two. Who lives, who dies?
Tyrion Lannister: Depends on the Sellsword.
Varys: Does it? He has neither crown nor gold nor favor with the Gods.
Tyrion Lannister: He has a sword, the power of life and death.
Varys: But if it's swordsmen who rule, why do we pretend Kings hold all the power? When Ned Stark lost his head, who was truly responsible? Joffrey? The executioner? Or something else?
Tyrion Lannister: I've decided I don't like riddles.
Varys: Power resides where men believe it resides. It's a trick, a shadow on the wall. And a very small man can cast a very large shadow.
Tyrion Lannister: Listen to me, Queen Regent. You're losing the people. Do you hear me?
Cersei Lannister: The people. You think I care?
Tyrion Lannister: You might find it difficult to rule over millions who want you dead. Half the city will starve when winter comes. The other half will plot to overthrow you. And your gold-plated thugs just gave them their rallying cry... "The Queen slaughters babies." You don't even have the decency to deny it... It wasn't you who gave the order, was it? Joffrey didn't even tell you. Did he tell you? I imagine that would be even worse.
Tyrion Lannister: We looked for you on the battlefield. You were nowhere to be found.
Joffrey Baratheon: I've been here, ruling the kingdoms.
Tyrion Lannister: What a fine job you've done. (to Myrcella): Look at you. More beautiful than ever. (to Tommen): And you! You... you're going to be bigger than the hound, but much better looking.
Tyrion Lannister (about his first love/wife): First, my father had Jaime tell me the truth. The girl was a whore, you see. Jaime had arranged the whole thing, the road, the rapers... all of it. He thought it was time I had a woman. After my brother confessed, my father brought in my wife and gave her to his guards. He paid her well... a silver for each man. How many whores command that kind of price? He brought me into the barracks and made me watch. By the end, she had so much silver that the coins were slipping through her fingers and rolling onto the floor.