100+ Best 'Sheldon Cooper' Quotes | Page 4 of 12

George Cooper Sr.: Let me tell you about my day. I got yelled at by the principal for benching a linebacker who's flunking English. Then I got yelled at even more by the kid's parents. Then I had to break up a fight in the locker room. Got elbowed in the neck.

Sheldon Cooper: That's a rough day.

George Cooper Sr.: That was all before 10:00 a.m. So I get what you're going through. But you'll notice, I didn't come home and take it out on you.

Sheldon Cooper: No, you didn't.

George Cooper Sr.: I want you to get back in there, apologize to everyone, and finish your dinner.

Sheldon Cooper: Yes, sir.

Sheldon Cooper (narration): My father's wisdom touched me deeply. Which is why, to this day, no matter what I'm going through, I am never irritating or abusive to any of my friends or loved ones. Ask them. They'll tell you.

Sheldon Cooper: I know I'm late. My training wheels broke.

Derek (Sheldon's classmate): Training wheels?

Sheldon Cooper: Yes, Derek! I have training wheels like a child! I also have a job like an adult! I'm a very complicated person!

Teacher: Sure. Let's go with complicated.

John Sturgis: This list is getting long. Maybe we should write it down.

Sheldon Cooper: Hey.

Sheldon Cooper (narration): In that moment, I had an epiphany. I could draw up a contract for any social relationship. It was a helpful way to remove ambiguity in a world that was often hard to understand. I would go on to draw up such contracts throughout my life... With roommates, with my wife. Even with my own children.

(The Cooper family is hidden because of the nearby tornado)

Mary Cooper: In the name of Jesus, I place a hedge of protection around this house and my family. I command this storm to skip over our home in Jesus' name. I wish peace to every single person in this room and declare that not one of us will get hurt in this storm, in Jesus' name!

Sheldon Cooper: Pray harder!

(After the tornado is gone...)

Sheldon Cooper (narration): The good news was most of our neighborhood was spared. The bad news: My mother thought she had something to do with it.

Sheldon Cooper: Hello, Randall. I would like to apply for a job.

Randall: You would?

Sheldon Cooper: Yes. I need to earn money so I can apply to Harvard.

Randall: I thought about going to Harvard, but then I realized The Shack is my passion.

Sheldon Cooper: So can I work here?

Customer: Excuse me. How much RAM does this computer have?

Randall: Um, I can check on that for you.

Sheldon Cooper: It comes with 640 kilobytes, but it's expandable up to 768. Well?

Randall: Do you even have a résumé?

Sheldon Cooper: No, but I have a report card that'll knock your socks off.

Customer: And what's the processor speed?

Sheldon Cooper: It has the Intel 8286, so ten megahertz.

Randall: Sorry, Sheldon. I think it's against company policy to hire little kids.

Sheldon Cooper: But people say I'm like an old man all the time.

Randall: Hey, I'm one of 'em, but the answer's still no.

Sheldon Cooper (narration): When people wonder why Radio Shack eventually went out of business, you can point to this moment.

Mary Cooper: It's interesting that an adult would need his mother to sign a consent form.

Missy Cooper: And here we go.

Sheldon Cooper: I don't need you to sign it, the school does.

Mary Cooper: So you're saying even the school doesn't think that you're mature enough to make all your own decisions.

Sheldon Cooper (narration): In that moment, I was so angry with her, I almost opened the jar.

Quote from Young Sheldon 1x18 - Sheldon Cooper: What are you doing? Mary Cooper: Confiscating your comic books. You can have them back when you're 18. Sheldon Cooper: You're taking Casper the Friendly Ghost? Mary Cooper: Ghosts are sacrilegious. Nothing friendly about that. Sheldon Cooper: Very well. There's one more book that belongs in the box, filled with adultery, genocide, and even human sacrifice. (give her the Bible) Mary Cooper: You think you're so smart.

Sheldon Cooper: Did you ever have a bully when you were growing up?

Mary Cooper: Have you met your grandma?

Mary Cooper: Regarding this jiu-jitsu stuff, you should know that a man's not supposed to raise his hand to a woman.

Sheldon Cooper: Oh, I won't. I don't want to hurt myself again.

Mary Cooper: Sweetie, is someone bothering you?

Sheldon Cooper: Yes.

Mary Cooper: Who is it?

Sheldon Cooper: I'd rather not talk about it.

Mary Cooper: No, I want a name right now. (to Missy): Have you been hurting him?

Missy Cooper: Only with my words.

Sheldon Cooper (on school intercom): Attention, students and faculty. This is Sheldon Lee Cooper. We're taught that hard work pays off, but that's not true. I came up with a solution to save Earth from killer asteroids, and lost the science fair to SueAnn Ludlow, and her frizzy hair machine. But it wasn't just me who lost, we all lost. Wake up, people. The system's broken. Real innovation isn't valued. Nowadays, it's all about flash and style. I blame MTV. Luckily, my parents can't afford cable. I urge you all to rise up. They can't send everyone to the principal's office. Chew gum in class, use a number one pencil, go nuts. This is Sheldon Lee Cooper signing off. Live long and prosper.

Quote from Young Sheldon 1x16 - Sheldon Cooper: I'll be in my room. Mary Cooper: Oh, come on, Shelly. You still got an honorable mention. Sheldon Cooper: Stop reminding me. Mary Cooper: I hate to see him so upset. George Cooper Sr.: Well, give him a little time, he'll calm down. Sheldon Cooper: Fiddle-faddle! Meemaw: The F word. He's real mad. Sheldon Cooper: Poodle poop! Meemaw: Okay. Somebody's got to teach this kid to swear, it's embarrassing.

Sheldon Cooper (narration): And so, our little social circle grew from two to three. An early example of how people are just drawn to me.

Meemaw: What do you think, George? Is it time to have "the talk" with him?

Missy Cooper: What talk?

Mary Cooper: No talk. Nobody's talking.

Sheldon Cooper: If "the talk" is in regards to human reproduction, I already understand how that works.

Mary Cooper: How do you know that?

Missy Cooper: I told him.

Mary Cooper: Oh, Lord.

Sheldon Cooper: Whoa. That girl just took a book on geostatistics.

Tam: Yeah, so?

Sheldon Cooper: That's not required reading for any science course.

Tam: Maybe she wants to squash a spider with it.

Sheldon Cooper: No, look, she's reading it. Who is this mystery woman?

Tam: Should we invite her to have lunch with us?

Sheldon Cooper: I don't know. So far, it's just been you and me, and we know that works. Do we really want to mess with success?

Tam: We could think of it as an experiment.

Sheldon Cooper: Oh, you do know how to push my buttons.

Tam: All right, go ask her.

Sheldon Cooper: Why me?

Tam: Your lack of testosterone makes you adorable to women.

Sheldon Cooper: I can't argue with that.

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