Phoebe Buffay: I'm always the last to know.
Monica Geller: You are not. We tell you stuff.
Phoebe Buffay: I was the last one to know when Chandler got bit by the peacock. I was the last to know you had a crush on Joey, when he was moving in.
Joey Tribbiani: What?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh... Looks like I was second to last.
Ross Geller: Come on. Seriously, Joey, what's the part?
(Joey mumbles something)
Rachel Green: You're.... What?
Joey Tribbiani: I'm his butt double, okay? I play Al Pacino's butt. All right? He goes into the shower, and then... I'm his butt.
Monica Geller: Oh, my God!
Joey Tribbiani: Come on, you guys. It's a real movie and Al Pacino's in it, that's big!
Chandler Bing: It's terrific. You deserve this. After years of struggling you've cracked your way into show business.
Phoebe Buffay: I can't believe you tried to move the green ottoman.
Chandler Bing: Thank God, you didn't try to fan out the magazines. She'll scratch your eyes right out.
Monica Geller: You guys, I am not that bad!
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, you are, Monica. Remember, I lived with you? You were a little... you know...
Monica Geller: That is so unfair!
Ross Geller: Oh, come on! When we were kids, yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy.
Chandler Bing: How would your husband feel about you sitting here with me... sliding your foot so far up my leg you can count the change in my pocket?
Woman: Don't worry. He'd be okay with you because he's okay with Ethan.
Chandler Bing: Ethan? There's an Ethan?
Woman: Ethan is my boyfriend.
Chandler Bing: What kind of relationship do you imagine us having... if you have a husband and a boyfriend?
Woman: I suppose, mainly sexual.
Monica Geller: Sorry it didn't work out.
Chandler Bing: What, not work out? I'm seeing her again on Thursday. Didn't you listen to the story?
Monica Geller: Hey, Joey. What would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey Tribbiani: Probably kill myself.
Monica Geller: Excuse me?
Joey Tribbiani: Hey, If little Joey's dead, then I got no reason to live.
Ross Geller: Joey, om- nipotent.
Joey Tribbiani: You are? Ross, I'm sorry. I had no idea. I thought it was a theoretical question.
Monica Geller: So, Ross, what's going on with you? Any stories? No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks?
Ross Geller: Ok, Ok... Look, I realize you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me. And so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child. And she and Susan are going to raise the baby.
Judy Geller (to Monica): And you knew about this?
Rachel Green: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Monica Geller: Absolutely.
Chandler Bing: I think for us, kissing's an opening act like the standup comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Ross Geller: Yeah. And it's not that we don't like the comedian. It's just that that's not why we bought the ticket.
Chandler Bing: See, the problem is though after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again. We're in the car, fighting traffic, basically just trying to stay awake.
Rachel Green: Yeah, well... Word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you'll find yourself sitting at home listening to that album alone.
Joey Tribbiani (to Ross): Are we still talking about sex?