50+ Best 'Mary Cooper' Quotes | Page 2 of 4 | Scattered Quotes

Mary Cooper Quotes

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Sheldon Cooper: When you said God gave his son to the world, did you mean Earth or the universe?

Pastor Jeff: Earth.

Sheldon Cooper: But if God created the universe, wouldn't he want to save all of it?

Pastor Jeff: Yes, uh, he would.

Sheldon Cooper: Then why did you say Earth?

Pastor Jeff: "Earth" is a synonym for the universe.

Meemaw: He's grabbing at straws now.

Sheldon Cooper: So if God's plan is to save all of the universe, that means a race of octopus aliens light-years away could only be saved by Jesus?

Pastor Jeff: Sure.

Sheldon Cooper: Even though they never would've heard of him?

Pastor Jeff: Yes.

Sheldon Cooper: Even though his appearance might be terrifying to them?

Pastor Jeff: W-Why would his appearance be terrifying?

Sheldon Cooper: He has four limbs and they have eight.

Mary Cooper: Okay, that's enough.

Pastor Jeff: No, no. I prayed people would be more interested in my sermons. I suppose I should've been more specific.

Mary Cooper: These are parents we can actually relate to.

George Cooper Sr.: Yeah, sure.

Mary Cooper: All the times we wonder if we're doing right by Sheldon or how to handle him, we finally have someone to compare notes with.

George Cooper Sr.: There's notes? I just been winging it.

George Cooper Sr.: I know you're worried, but... he needs to experience the world a little bit. Why not let him do it when most of it's asleep?

Mary Cooper: I suppose you're right.

Meemaw: Maybe having this mutt next door won't be so bad. Shelly could end up getting used to it.

George Cooper Sr.: That's true. Remember when he got all freaked out by the fruit at the bottom of yogurt? Now he eats it no problem.

Mary Cooper: He still makes me stir it.

Meemaw: Maybe you could start out with a small pet, and work your way up. Like a turtle.

Mary Cooper: He says they carry salmonella.

Meemaw: A gerbil?

Mary Cooper: Apparently, they caused the plague.

Georgie Cooper: What about a bird?

George Cooper Sr.: Oh, I know that one. They'll steal his hair to make a nest.

(The Cooper family is hidden because of the nearby tornado)

Mary Cooper: In the name of Jesus, I place a hedge of protection around this house and my family. I command this storm to skip over our home in Jesus' name. I wish peace to every single person in this room and declare that not one of us will get hurt in this storm, in Jesus' name!

Sheldon Cooper: Pray harder!

(After the tornado is gone...)

Sheldon Cooper (narration): The good news was most of our neighborhood was spared. The bad news: My mother thought she had something to do with it.

Mary Cooper: It's interesting that an adult would need his mother to sign a consent form.

Missy Cooper: And here we go.

Sheldon Cooper: I don't need you to sign it, the school does.

Mary Cooper: So you're saying even the school doesn't think that you're mature enough to make all your own decisions.

Sheldon Cooper (narration): In that moment, I was so angry with her, I almost opened the jar.

Sheldon Cooper: Did you ever have a bully when you were growing up?

Mary Cooper: Have you met your grandma?

Mary Cooper: Regarding this jiu-jitsu stuff, you should know that a man's not supposed to raise his hand to a woman.

Sheldon Cooper: Oh, I won't. I don't want to hurt myself again.

George Cooper Sr.: The little Sparks girl?

Mary Cooper: You're kidding. She seems so sweet.

Georgie Cooper: He says she slaps him around, takes his lunch money. She even put a tadpole down his shirt.

Meemaw: Poor kid, he tucks in those shirts.

(They go spy on her through the fence)

Mary Cooper: She looks harmless.

Meemaw: She's cute. So she probably gets away with stuff. I'm like that.

Mary Cooper: Sweetie, is someone bothering you?

Sheldon Cooper: Yes.

Mary Cooper: Who is it?

Sheldon Cooper: I'd rather not talk about it.

Mary Cooper: No, I want a name right now. (to Missy): Have you been hurting him?

Missy Cooper: Only with my words.

Meemaw: What do you think, George? Is it time to have "the talk" with him?

Missy Cooper: What talk?

Mary Cooper: No talk. Nobody's talking.

Sheldon Cooper: If "the talk" is in regards to human reproduction, I already understand how that works.

Mary Cooper: How do you know that?

Missy Cooper: I told him.

Mary Cooper: Oh, Lord.

Sheldon Cooper (narration): As you can see, my meemaw successfully lured me back into the world by reminding me of my brave Texas ancestors. Their blood ran through my veins. I was a true son of the Lone Star State. Albeit a true son with an incredibly fragile immune system. I woke up the next morning with a temperature of 102 and a head packed full of mucus. However, there was a silver lining.

Mary Cooper (singing):

Soft kitty, warm kitty

Little ball of fur

Happy kitty, sleepy kitty

Purr, purr, purr.

Mary Cooper: Shelly, if you don't mind me asking, what's your long-term plan here?

Sheldon Cooper: I'm working on the math to turn the garage into a self-sustaining ecosystem.

Mary Cooper: Okay. And what exactly does that mean?

Sheldon Cooper: Well, all I need is sunlight and a few seeds to grow unlimited food which I'll fertilize with my own feces.

Meemaw: This just gets better.

Mary Cooper: If you're not gonna help, please go inside. This is not a show.

Meemaw: Now that's where I disagree.

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