Lucifer Morningstar Quotes

Lucifer Morningstar: When do I get my own gun?

Chloe Decker: I wouldn't trust you with my kid's lightsaber.

Lucifer Morningstar: Well, I simply offered the lieutenant a favor. She gets what she wants, and I get what I want... a nice juicy gang war.

Chloe Decker: You mean you offered to help prevent a gang war, right?

Lucifer Morningstar: Tomato, tom-ah-to.

Chloe Decker: Please tell me I'm hallucinating.

Lucifer Morningstar: Well, I am dreamy, but try to contain yourself.

Lucifer Morningstar: Just shoot me, Detective! Please! Because maybe you'll finally realize...

(Chloe shoots Lucifer)

Lucifer Morningstar: Good for you! See? Hardly hurts.

Chloe Decker: I can't believe...

Lucifer Morningstar: Gah. Actually, no, it's hurting a little bit. It's... Gah! It's hurting a lot. Son of a b*tch, that really hurts! I'm bleeding.

Chloe Decker: You're bleeding.

Lucifer Morningstar: I'm bleeding.

Chloe Decker: Oh, crap, of course you're bleeding. God, what have I done?

Lucifer Morningstar: I'm afraid I can't offer anything obvious like a tail as proof.

Chloe Decker: And so no horns.

Lucifer Morningstar: No, afraid not. That's the stuff of movies and TV.

Chloe Decker: Mm-hmm.

Lucifer Morningstar: They always get it wrong.

Chloe Decker: But that's it? Like, a bullet just bounces off you?

Lucifer Morningstar: Well, there's no wound or blood, if that's what you mean. Can verify with something sharp if you like.

Chloe Decker: No, it's not necessary. It's tempting though.

Chloe Decker: Where did you get this dress anyhow?

Lucifer Morningstar: Oh, it was left behind by one of my overnight guests.

Chloe Decker: What was she wearing when she left?

Lucifer Morningstar: A smile.

Chloe Decker: Mm. If I get an STD from this thing, I'm gonna kill you.

Chloe Decker: When Hell freezes over, Lucifer.

Lucifer Morningstar: I can arrange that, actually.

Chloe Decker: Wait, you and I... well, there is no you and I. There's a professional situation, and I just need you...

Lucifer Morningstar: See, you need me.

Chloe Decker: The department needs you, because you're the one...

Lucifer Morningstar: I'm the one?

Chloe Decker: On the list for the Player thing.