Lucifer Morningstar: How am I going to find the detective without the detective?
Amenadiel: Maybe stop wasting time trying to get me to slow it and just, you know, do some good old-fashioned detective work.
Lucifer Morningstar: Detective work? Me?
Amenadiel: Are you trying to tell me that after all these years of working with Chloe... that you haven't learned anything? You can find her, Detective Morningstar.
Pete Daily (to Ella): Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt you at work. But I scored these two VIP tickets to the Star Trek convention downtown. I-I have no idea if you're into it, but it's totally my thing, and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me.
Lucifer Morningstar: Star Trek? Please, Miss Lopez knows more about that stuff than you ever could. (Ella speaks Klingon) See? She even speaks Chewbacca.
Lucifer Morningstar: Do you think it's possible I've given my power to everyone I've ever had sex with and just never knew it?
Linda Martin: Uh... Who, me? No.
Lucifer Morningstar: Well, we did the deed, several times, and in, you know, all sorts of positions.
Linda Martin: Yes, I remember. How could I forget? Anyway... But, Lucifer, your mojo is like a superpower. I don't have it. Or do I? I guess I've never tried.
Lucifer Morningstar: Well, let's try now. Come on. Lean in. Look into my eyes. Ask me what I desire.
Linda Martin: This is good. I mean...Lucifer... what do you desire?
Lucifer Morningstar: No. Nada. Totally limp.
Linda Martin: Oof. Ouch.
Lucifer Morningstar: Well, that's several million bullets dodged.
Chloe Decker: I had a... interesting conversation with Amenadiel.
Lucifer Morningstar: Please tell me you're not making him police consultant. Anything but that.
Chloe Decker: No, actually. He has, um, a theory about why I make you vulnerable.
Lucifer Morningstar: Oh. Do tell.
Chloe Decker: Well... His theory is that... I don't.
Lucifer Morningstar: Well, I have many scars to prove otherwise.
Chloe Decker: He thinks that... you choose to be vulnerable around me.
Lucifer Morningstar: I choose to... Well, I'll be damned. I think he might be right. I... Detective.
Chloe Decker: Lucifer. If that's true... If you choose to be vulnerable around me... then I choose to be vulnerable around you.
Lucifer Morningstar: Thank you for finally agreeing to meet with me, Detective.
Chloe Decker: Well, after 57 phone calls, twice as many texts, the billboard off Sunset, and the ill-conceived stripper-gram...
Lucifer Morningstar: In my defense, Roberto came highly recommended.
Chloe Decker: Lucifer, I am ready to talk, and yes, thank you for being patient, but I really don't know what you can say that's going to make a difference.
(Lucifer is telling a real story to Trixie with little changes and we see it as a flashback where Mr. Stompanato is played by Ella...)
Trixie Espinoza: Wait, hold it!
Lucifer Morningstar: Oh, for crying out loud.
Trixie Espinoza: I thought you said "Mr. Stompanato". "Mr." is a man.
Lucifer Morningstar: Did you or did you not request a gender-balanced narrative? I'm simply following your instructions.
Chloe Decker: I mean, does that bother you at all, that you have no say in what your character does or says?
Brianna Davis (Detective Dancer): Are you kidding? I'm a lead in a hit show, and you know, there are strippers out there considering becoming detectives now. I'm kind of a role model.
Lucifer Morningstar: Oh, lovely.
Lucifer Morningstar: Michael needles people's fears. It's what he does. But we also know he's all bark and no bite. Don't you remember, growing up? He'd get under your skin with one of his schemes, then you'd give him one of your atomic wedgies, and that'd be that.
Amenadiel: I don't think a wedgie's gonna do it this time.