Lucifer Morningstar: Just shoot me, Detective! Please! Because maybe you'll finally realize...
(Chloe shoots Lucifer)
Lucifer Morningstar: Good for you! See? Hardly hurts.
Chloe Decker: I can't believe...
Lucifer Morningstar: Gah. Actually, no, it's hurting a little bit. It's... Gah! It's hurting a lot. Son of a bitch, that really hurts! I'm bleeding.
Chloe Decker: You're bleeding.
Lucifer Morningstar: I'm bleeding.
Chloe Decker: Oh, crap, of course you're bleeding. God, what have I done?
Lucifer Morningstar: I'm afraid I can't offer anything obvious like a tail as proof.
Chloe Decker: And so no horns.
Lucifer Morningstar: No, afraid not. That's the stuff of movies and TV.
Chloe Decker: Mm-hmm.
Lucifer Morningstar: They always get it wrong.
Chloe Decker: But that's it? Like, a bullet just bounces off you?
Lucifer Morningstar: Well, there's no wound or blood, if that's what you mean. Can verify with something sharp if you like.
Chloe Decker: No, it's not necessary. It's tempting though.
Chloe Decker: Where did you get this dress anyhow?
Lucifer Morningstar: Oh, it was left behind by one of my overnight guests.
Chloe Decker: What was she wearing when she left?
Lucifer Morningstar: A smile.
Chloe Decker: Mm. If I get an STD from this thing, I'm gonna kill you.
Lucifer Morningstar: I mean, there are several lovely ladies milling around out there. Which one do you desire?
Security guy: You. I'm gay.
Lucifer Morningstar: Oh! Right.
Chloe Decker: Wait, you and I... well, there is no you and I. There's a professional situation, and I just need you...
Lucifer Morningstar: See, you need me.
Chloe Decker: The department needs you, because you're the one...
Lucifer Morningstar: I'm the one?
Chloe Decker: On the list for the Player thing.
Lucifer Morningstar: Why is she able to refuse my charms? I mean, is this thing on? (points at himself)
Dr. Linda: Yes, yes. Definitely on.
Lucifer Morningstar: Never been thrown out of anywhere before in my life. Well, except for Heaven, of course.
Dan Espinoza (to Chloe): Are you sleeping with this idiot?
Lucifer Morningstar: She hasn't had the pleasure, unfortunately, no.
Dan Espinoza: What in God's name are you doing here?
Lucifer Morningstar: Nothing in His name. Here on my own, actually.
Lucifer Morningstar: I’m not gonna hurt you, Justin, I’m going to destroy you.
Mazikeen: Oh, this is so hot. It’s like you’re punishing yourself.
Justin (Lucifer’s imposter): You know who you’re messing with? I’m Lucifer freaking Morningstar!
Lucifer Morningstar: Oh… Are you now?