Lucifer Morningstar Quotes

Doctor: You have moles that large on your back? You need to get them checked out, have them removed.

Lucifer Morningstar: But I tried removing them in the past, but the stubborn buggers always seem to grow back. I just need you to dress them up a smidge. Maybe you could... attach some white feathers or tattoo them. Something cheery, flowers, maybe.

Doctor: Tattoo your moles? I was thinking maybe I could get you a discount on some botox, but...

Lucifer Morningstar: I don't need botox, doctor! What I need is for you to fix them, because they are disgusting!

Lucifer Morningstar: Oh gosh, no! I'm so sorry. I seem to have picked up the candy dandy rave donuts instead of the regular glazed ones. One bite of this and you'd be riding the rainbow unicorn for days. Come to think of it, I just realized what happened to Monday and Tuesday.

Lucifer Morningstar: Detective. You threw yourself onto me. You were willing to sacrifice yourself to save me.

Lucifer Morningstar: I've gotten to know all of you in my time here, which is what makes this... my final case, so difficult. Dougie in the motor pool, who helped put a siren on my car. Thank you for that. Cucuzza in evidence, who always let me inspect the cocaine seizures first. And you. Nameless uni, I think I'll miss you most of all. So anyway, as a parting gift for everyone... I've hired a Carl's Jr. truck out in the parking lot. Free burgers for you all. Go on! Knock yourselves out.

Eve: Look what came in the mail today. It's a me costume.

Lucifer Morningstar: I can see.

Eve: Does it make you want to come over here and... tempt me?

Eve: I did come back to Earth for the fun and the excitement. But, more specifically... I came back... for you. To be... with you. You know? Like old times.

Lucifer Morningstar: That was... thousands of years ago.

Eve: Yes, but it was also the best time of my life. Lucifer, I never felt more like myself than when I was with you.

Lucifer Morningstar: We're not together together.

Eve: But we used to be. Maybe you've read about it in a little book called The Bible.

Bashir: Read about what?

Eve: You know, the garden, the snake, the apple.

Lucifer Morningstar: The metaphors were a bit off.

Eve: That's true. The forbidden fruit was less of an apple and more like a banana. A very large banana.

Lucifer Morningstar: It's true.

Eve: You never forget your first.

Eve: I've been in heaven longer than any other human and, let me tell you, paradise can get a little... predictable.

Lucifer Morningstar: Preaching to the choir.

Eve: So I started meeting every new soul that was coming through those Pearly Gates, just taking in all their incredible stories, you know, about everything that was going on down here. And then... Then I realized something huge, Luce. What I truly desire most... can only be found down here.

Lucifer Morningstar: And what is it you truly desire?

Eve: Excitement! You know? Thrills. Just some good, old-fashioned fun. I'm due a lifetime or two of it.

Lucifer Morningstar: So you're telling me you came all this way... just to party?

Eve: And... you know... see my ex. I mean you are, after all, the only person I know down here.