Cooper Howard (The Ghoul) Quotes

The Ghoul (to Lucy): War never changes. You look out at this Wasteland, looks like chaos. But there’s always somebody behind the wheel.

Cooper Howard: How do you know my wife?

Lee Moldaver: My research company was acquired by her division. We were developing this kind of technology that’s… difficult to monetize. Cold fusion. Infinite energy. That’s what I was on the verge of achieving when Vault-Tec swept in and bought up every company I’d ever worked for.

Cooper Howard: Every one of them? So, what are you, a millionaire communist?

Lee Moldaver: Hypocrisy is like violence in your movies. If you only let the bad guys use it, the bad guys win.

Cooper Howard: Yeah? I, uh, I got a little showbiz secret for you. A good bad guy doesn’t see themselves as the bad guy.

Lee Moldaver: America has been locked in a resource war for over a decade. Vault-Tec bought the means to end that war, the same war you fought in, so they could put it on the shelf. All because it didn’t fit into their business model. I want your help in getting it back.

Cooper Howard: Who-who ma… who makes the rules? Because no dogs allowed… that is a new rule. Somebody decided that and didn’t share it with f**king anyone. I mean, what else do you have in store for us? Are the-are the blue jumpsuits… are those mandatory? What if I don’t want to wear a blue jumpsuit? What if I want to wear a green one?

Barb Howard: So the bomb falls, and you want to know about your wardrobe?

Cooper Howard: No, I want to know about my freedom. I didn’t go to war defending that freedom so that I could live in a cellar under the boot heel of Chairman Bud Askins.

Cooper Howard: I guess everything’s a conspiracy, right? Come on, man, you sound like you’re in a cult.

Charles Whiteknife: And you’re sitting here defending a system that’s ready to set the world on fire, Cooper. Maybe you’re the one in the cult.

Charles Whiteknife: Do you know what “fiduciary responsibility” means?

Cooper Howard: Fiduciary responsibility?

Charles Whiteknife: Yeah.

Cooper Howard: No, I have no f**king idea. I play a cowboy for a living.

Charles Whiteknife: Okay. So, the U.S. government has outsourced the survival of the human race to Vault-Tec. Vault-Tec is a private corporation that has a fiduciary responsibility to make money for its investors. And how does it make money? By selling vaults.

Cooper Howard: That’s called capitalism, Charlie.

Charles Whiteknife: But they can’t sell vaults if these peace negotiations go through. So Vault-Tec has a fiduciary responsibility to make sure that it don’t work out.

Barb Howard: I need this job, Coop. It guarantees us a spot in the vaults.

Cooper Howard: We got money. We can buy a spot in the vaults.

Barb Howard: One of the good vaults.

Cooper Howard: What’s that supposed to mean?

Barb Howard: I’m doing what I can, okay? Just… trust me. Please.

(Maximus posing as Knight Titus is fighting The Ghoul and losing…)

The Ghoul: Well, I guess basic training ain’t what it used to be. ‘Cause you drive that thing like a f**king shopping cart. Rule number one: read the manual.

(Lucy shoots The Ghoul with tranquilizer…)

The Ghoul: Well, now, that is a very small drop in a very, very large bucket of drugs.

(Group of bounty hunters want The Ghoul’s help with one last job…)

The Ghoul: Well, I tell you what, boys, whenever somebody says they’re doing one last job, that usually means their heart’s not in it. Probably never was. But for me, well… I do this sh*t for the love of the game. (starts killing them) You right, friend, about one thing. This right here was your last job. My paycheck wasn’t quite what you expected, but… well, you know what they say. Us cowpokes… we take it as it comes. (throws the last guy into a grave)