Cady Heron (narration): I had gone from home-schooled jungle freak to shiny Plastic to most hated person in the world to actual human being. All the drama from last year just wasn't important anymore. School used to be like a shark tank, but now I could just float. Finally, Girl World was at peace. And if any freshmen tried to disturb that peace... Well, let's just say we knew how to take care of it. (Cady imagines a bus hitting Junior Plastics) Just kidding.
(Cady wins the Spring Fling Queen and gets a crown...)
Cady Heron: Well, half the people in this room are mad at me. And the other half only like me because they think I pushed somebody in front of a bus. So that's not good.
Principal Duvall: You know, it's not really required of you to make a speech.
Cady Heron: I'm almost done, I swear. To all the people whose feelings that got hurt by the Burn Book, I'm really sorry. You know, I've never been to one of these things before. And when I think about how many people wanted this and how many people cried over it and stuff... I mean, I think everybody looks like royalty tonight. Look at Jessica Lopez. That dress is amazing. And Emma Gerber, I mean, that hairdo must have taken hours, and you look really pretty. So... why is everybody stressing over this thing? I mean, it's just plastic. Could really just... (breaks the crown) Share it. A piece for Gretchen Wieners, a partial Spring Fling Queen. A piece for Janis Ian.
Principal Duvall: Seriously, most people just take the crown and go.
Cady Heron: And a piece for Regina George. She fractured her spine, and she still looks like a rock star. And some for everybody else.
Cady Heron: You know I couldn't invite you. I had to pretend to be Plastic.
Janis Ian: Hey, buddy, you're not pretending anymore. You're Plastic. Cold, shiny, hard Plastic.
Damian Leigh: Curfew, 1 a.m. It is now 1:10.
Janis Ian: Did you have an awesome time? Did you drink awesome shooters and listen to awesome music, and then just sit around and soak up each other's awesomeness?
Cady Heron: You're the one who made me like this so you could use me for your eighth-grade revenge.
Janis Ian: God! See, at least me and Regina George know we're mean. You try to act like you're so innocent. Like, "Oh, I used to live in Africa with all the little birdies and the little monkeys."
Cady Heron: You know what? It's not my fault you're in love with me or something!
Janis Ian: What?!
Damian Leigh: Oh, no she did not!
Janis Ian: See? That is the thing with you Plastics. You think that everybody is in love with you, when actually, everybody hates you.
Cady Heron: You're not stupid, Karen.
Karen Smith: No. I am, actually. I'm failing almost everything.
Cady Heron: Well, there must be something you're good at.
Karen Smith: I can put my whole fist in my mouth. Wanna see?
Cady Heron: No. That's OK. Anything else?
Karen Smith: I'm kind of psychic. I have a fifth sense.
Cady Heron: What do you mean?
Karen Smith: It's like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it's gonna rain.
Cady Heron: Really? That's amazing.
Karen Smith: Well, they can tell when it's raining.
Cady Heron (narration): The weird thing about hanging out with Regina was that I could hate her, and at the same time, I still wanted her to like me. Same with Gretchen. The meaner Regina was to her, the more Gretchen tried to win Regina back. She knew it was better to be in The Plastics, hating life than to not be in at all. Because being with The Plastics was like being famous. People looked at you all the time, and everybody just knew stuff about you.
Cady Heron (narration): In the regular world, Halloween is when children dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one nigth a year when a girl can dress like a total sl*t and no other girls can say anything about it. The hard-core girls just wear lingerie and some form of animal ears. Unfortunately, no one told me about the sl*t rule.
Karen Smith: God, my hips are huge!
Gretchen Wieners: Oh, please. I hate my calves.
Regina George: At least you guys can wear halters. I've got man shoulders.
Cady Heron (narration): I used to think there was just fat and skinny. Apparently, there's a lot of things that can be wrong on your body.
Gretchen Wieners: My hairline is so weird.
Regina George: My pores are huge.
Karen Smith: My nail beds suck.
(All three look at Cady...)
Cady Heron: I have really bad breath in the morning.
Cady Heron (narration): I got in trouble for the most random things.
Chemistry Teacher: Where are you going?
Cady Heron: Oh, I have to go to the bathroom.
Chemistry Teacher: You need the lavatory pass.
Cady Heron: OK. Can I have the lavatory pass?
Chemistry Teacher: Nice try. Have a seat.
Cady Heron (narration): I had never lived in a world where adults didn't trust me, where they were always yelling at me.
English Teacher: Don't read ahead!
History Teacher: No green pen!
Music Teacher: No food in class!
German Teacher: (yelling in German)!