Upload Quotes

Nora Antony: I feel something for you that I just don’t feel anywhere else, anytime else, with anyone else. And if I’m being honest… those moments are the only things I care about. And… if you make a fool of me and trick me, like Jamie… I’m going to have to take that risk. I love you, Nathan. Can you handle me saying that? Nathan? (Nathan runs out of data)

Luke: So you do remember me?

Nathan Brown: Yeah. No, I just told her I didn’t remember ’cause I had no idea what to say. I was so f**king embarrassed.

Luke: Thank God, because I don’t think I could repeat the earlier beats of our relationship. That kind of magic doesn’t strike twice.

Ingrid Kannerman: I’ve just been dumped.

Oliver Kannerman: Well, can’t say I didn’t predict that. (Ingrid dumps food on the carpet) Your maid is cleaning that up.

Ingrid Kannerman: Make her.

Nathan Brown: I mean, I was barely aware I was alive. Just kind of went to clubs and did my work. Was a bit of an asshole. But… now, my eyes have been opened to a lot of things. I’m starting to really appreciate what I have. I mean, if you said, right now, I could go back the way things were before, I don’t know if I’d do it.

Dave Antony: This experience has been that good?

Nathan Brown: In some ways, yeah. I mean, I met your daughter here, and she’s better than any friend I had before. Even if we last for a thousand years here, it’s gonna feel short when it’s over, and we’re out of time with the people we care about. I think that’s what really matters.

Dave Antony: You actually have some depth to you.

Nathan Brown: Maybe even a soul?

Dave Antony: At least a personality.

Nathan Brown: I’ll take it.

(Luke uses other finger insted of the middle finger…)

Aleesha: Thank you! (takes away his fingers) My “fingers and d*cks” file is bulging.

Luke: When do you start taking dicks?

Aleesha: When there’s no more fingers.

Luke: What about toes? You’re skipping toes!

Luke: F**k you.

(Luke give her the middle finger, Aleesha takes the finger away…)

Aleesha: That’s going in my “fingers and d*cks” file.

Luke: Give me back my f**k-you finger!

Aleesha: When you improve your attitude.

(AI at the store aisle scans Byron…)

AI: Your condom size is medium.

Byron: Uh… Yeah, I’m gonna take the large.

Intercom announcement: Condom size dispute. Aisle four.

Fran Booth: Careful, Ingrid. The camera adds ten years. In jail.

(At Nathan’s funeral…)

Nathan Brown: Hey. Hey, everyone. Um, thank you all for coming. At this time, I would just like to ask, you know, any of my friends if they want to say… anything… about me.

Larry: I-I always knew you jerked it to women’s tennis.

Nathan Brown: Okay.

Larry: Was it the grunting, or…?

Nathan Brown: Okay. Would anyone other than Uncle… Uncle Larry, put your f**king hand down. Anyone else at all want to say something? Maybe a nice eulogy?

Nathan Brown: We wrote a program that allows anyone to save their own uploads. So you can create your own digital afterlife and pass it down to friends or family for free.

David Choak (laughs): So you got murdered.

Nathan Brown: No. I-I was in a car accident.

David Choak (laughs): Yeah, sure. Yeah, you just, uh, threatened a 600-billion-dollar-a-year industry, and no one murdered you. Nobody murders anybody. (leaves and laughs the whole time)

Dave Antony: Sorry, honey. No go.

Nora Antony: I could be your angel. Like, we could hang out.

Dave Antony: I can’t.

Nora Antony: Why?

Dave Antony: Mom’s waiting for me.

Nora Antony: Oh, come on. You don’t believe that old stuff.

Dave Antony: It doesn’t make sense, but it’s how I feel. How can heaven not have your mother in it?