The Witcher Quotes

(Prison guard makes Jaskier stop singing...)

Jaskier (to mice): Guys, your harmonies were a little pitchy. Gordon, you're amazing. Talent recognizes talent. Let's go again. Three, four...

Jaskier (singing):

Oh, lock me up

And sock me up

And throw away the key

Go f**k yourself, you wh*reson

'Cause you're through f**kin' with me

(Geralt is outside the cell taking care of the prison guards...)

Jaskier: F**king hell! You know what? We're trying to rehearse in here! (to the mice): Gentlemen, I am so sorry. Give me a moment.

(The dock guard offends Jaskier by criticizing his lyrics...)

Jaskier: Am I gonna say it? Yeah, I'm gonna say it. You know, if you could write yourself a little song, you could sing yourself whatever you please, but you can't, can you? Because you are a dockside scapegrace, a qualling feculent, a beef-witted, hell-hated, addlepated goon... and a waste of your father's... In all of my... leave it to... And maybe, just maybe, you are grateful to be entertained.

Dock guard: You're an hero to my niece.

Jaskier: Well...

Dock guard: Practically worships you.

Jaskier: Naturally.

Dock guard: She'll be heartbroken to hear her favorite bard is a steaming pile of sh*t for brains.

Jaskier (singing):

Oh the Golden One with the golden rules

Two long-necked warriors with all the tools

Jaskier: I'm gonna do what I do best.

Cahir: And what's that?

Jaskier: Oh, I never really know. Yeah, that's why I'm so good at it.

Jaskier: I sing of universal matters, my dear, generous lady. Emotions which anybody could experience. That song could be about anyone.

Yennefer: Mmm.

Jaskier: Anyone.

Yennefer: Mm. Mm-hm.

Jaskier: Anyone. Anyone.

Yennefer: Mm...

Jaskier: Fine. Yes, when I wrote it, it did come from the heart. Perhaps a broken one.

Jaskier (singing):

All those lonely miles that you ride

Now you'll walk with no one by your side

Did you ever even care

With your swords and your stupid hair?

Now watch me laugh as I burn all the memories of you