Good Omens Quotes

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Pepper: Adam, I still don't understand the thing you were telling us about alien spaceships. If I was an alien, I wouldn't be going around giving messages of universal peace and goodwill. I'd say, "This is a laser blaster. Prepare to die, rebel swine."

Wensleydale: I'd say that too, if I was an alien in a flying saucer.

Brian: Or, "Exterminate."

Aziraphale: You can't leave, Crowley. There isn't anywhere to go.

Crowley: It's a big universe. Even if this all ends up in a puddle of burning goo, we can go off together.

Aziraphale: Go off together? Listen to yourself.

Crowley: How long have we been friends? Six thousand years!

Aziraphale: Friends? We're not friends. We are an angel and a demon. We have nothing whatsoever in common. I don't even like you.

Crowley: You do.

Na*zi spy: Mr Anthony J. Crowley. Your fame precedes you.

Aziraphale: Anthony?

Crowley: You don't like it?

Aziraphale: No, no, I didn't say that. I'll get used to it. What does the "J" stand for?

Crowley: It's just a "J", really.

Aziraphale (to Na*zi spies): You can't kill me. There'll be paperwork.

Crowley: If it all goes wrong, I want insurance.

Aziraphale: What?

Crowley: I wrote it down. Walls have ears. Well, not walls. Trees have ears. Ducks have ears. Do ducks have ears? Must do. That's how they hear other ducks.

Crowley (to Aziraphale): Age does not wither, nor custom stale his infinite variety.

Shakespeare: Mmm! Yeah, I like that.

Aziraphale: We may have both started off as angels, but you are fallen.

Crowley: I didn't really fall. I just, you know... sauntered vaguely downwards.

Aziraphale (about Crowley): Oh, he's not my friend. We've never met before. We don't know each other.

Aziraphale: I'm not consulted on policy decisions, Crawly.

Crowley: Oh, I've changed it.

Aziraphale: Changed what?

Crowley: My name. "Crawl-y" just wasn't really doing it for me. It's a bit too... squirming-at-your-feet-ish.

Aziraphale: Well, you were a snake. So, what is it now? Mephistopheles? Asmodeus?

Crowley: Crowley.

(The animals are getting loaded on Noah's ark...)

Crowley: Oy! Shem! That unicorn's going to make a run for it. Oh, it's too late. It's too late! Well, you've still got one of them.

Aziraphale: God's not actually going to wipe out all the locals. I mean, Noah, up there, his family, and his sons, their wives, they're all going to be fine.

Crowley: But they're drowning everybody else? Not the kids? You can't kill kids.

Aziraphale: Mm-hmm.

Crowley: Well, that's more the kind of thing you'd expect my lot to do.

Aziraphale: Yes, but when it's done, the Almighty's going to put up a new thing, called a "rain bow", as a promise not to drown everyone again.

Crowley: How kind.

Aziraphale: You can't judge the Almighty, Crawley. God's plans are...

Crowley: Are you going to say "ineffable"?

Aziraphale: Possibly.

Crowley: Are you alright?

Aziraphale: Perfectly, yes. Uh, tip-top. Absolutely tickety-boo.

Crowley: Tickety-boo?

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