20+ Best 'Funny' Quotes | Page 2 of 2 | Scattered Quotes

Funny Quotes

What's another word for Thesaurus?

- Steven Wright

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Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

- Anthony Burgess

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My wife and I divided up the important talks we'll have with our daughters. She'll handle puberty, sex, and college. I'll handle zombies.

- James Breakwell

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Wife: You're still out of breath?

Me: I ran hard.

Wife: That was yesterday.

Me: Just a few more minutes.

- James Breakwell

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My 2-year-old is walking around calling her lightsaber a “life saver.” We have a dangerous misunderstanding on our hands.

- James Breakwell

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Me: Did you have a good day at school?

6-year-old: That's not how school works.

- James Breakwell

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Me: Scientists found what makes hair turn gray and fall out.

Wife: They discovered children?

- James Breakwell

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Me: Who ate my brownie?

2-year-old: A penguin.

Me: Are you the penguin?

2: *waddles away*

- James Breakwell

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