20+ Best 'Funny' Quotes | Scattered Quotes

Funny Quotes

Latest quotes added:

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

- Dolly Parton

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

- Mitch Hedberg

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

- Mark Twain

There's actually a thing called Wikifeet that's the Wikipedia of celebrity girls' feet.

- Nikki Glaser

I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

- George Bernard Shaw

Easter egg hunt motto: May the odds be ever in your favor.

- Unknown

It snowed this Easter. For the Easter egg hunt I didn't dye the eggs. I was like "Good luck, kiddos."

- Unknown

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