I lost some weight, grew my hair and now every woman in America over 40 wants to date me. It's their daughters I want to convince. - David Krumholtz
I lost some weight, grew my hair and now every woman in America over 40 wants to date me. It's their daughters I want to convince.
- David Krumholtz
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. - Mitch Hedberg
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
- Mitch Hedberg
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. - Dolly Parton
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
- Dolly Parton
Golf is a good walk spoiled. - Mark Twain
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain
There's actually a thing called Wikifeet that's the Wikipedia of celebrity girls' feet. - Nikki Glaser
There's actually a thing called Wikifeet that's the Wikipedia of celebrity girls' feet.
- Nikki Glaser
I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. - George Bernard Shaw
I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.
- George Bernard Shaw
Easter egg hunt motto: May the odds be ever in your favor. - Unknown
Easter egg hunt motto: May the odds be ever in your favor.
- Unknown
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