Simon Lewis Quotes

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Raphael Santiago: It contains Camille’s grave dirt.

Magnus Bane: Grave dirt? I thought maybe diamonds, or that gold ring she stole from Cleopatra’s tomb.

Simon Lewis: So we’re excited about a box of dirt. Anyone wanna clue me in?

Magnus Bane: If you have a vampire’s grave dirt, you can use it to summon them.

Clary Fray: Well, maybe it’s worth telling her the truth.

Simon Lewis: What? Come out of the coffin?

Simon Lewis: But there are others, right? I can’t be the most qualified vampire Camille’s turned.

Raphael Santiago: No, but sadly, you’re the only one left.

Magnus Bane (about the snake): My baby.

Simon Lewis: Your baby?

Magnus Bane: I created it for Camille ages ago. The best gift I ever gave.

Simon Lewis: Great. Well, then, maybe don’t include me on your Christmas list.

Simon Lewis (when snake appears): Oh, jeez. Hey, hey, snakey. Nice snakey. Go away, please. Encanto. Who am I kidding? I still suck at encantos!

Magnus Bane: What are you so afraid of?

Simon Lewis: Where do I start? Elevators. Snakes. Clowns. Raphael trying to burn my junk off…

Magnus Bane: You’re a vampire, Simon. You’re tougher than you think.

Simon Lewis (to Magnus): Portaling is not my thing. Is there, like, a YouTube tutorial I can watch?

Simon Lewis: So, please, can you take a break from your day job and help a vamp out?

Magnus Bane: Lucky for you, this potion will take a few hours to stew. But it’ll cost you.

Simon Lewis: Okay. (Magnus cuts few of his hair) Hey!

Magnus Bane: Mmm. I’ve been running low.

Raphael Santiago: Do you have any idea what the Clave does to vampires who violate the Accords?

Simon Lewis: I’m not sure I want to know.

Raphael Santiago: They nail us to crosses, then let shafts of sunlight burn off our body parts, one at a time.

Simon Lewis: Which body part? You know what? Don’t answer that.

Simon Lewis (to Clary): And it used to be that… The biggest problem we had was that… I was secretly and totally… (door falls down and interrupts him)

Simon Lewis: First rule of Shadowhunting, don’t give anyone your phone or stele.

Clary Fray: Thanks.

Simon Lewis (to Clary): You think there’d be some sort of handbook for the Shadow World, like… Shadowhunting for Dummies.

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