50+ Best 'Phoebe Buffay' Quotes from Friends (TV Series)

Chandler Bing: Look, Phoebe, I wanted to meet her in person too. But she’s married. She has a husband.
Phoebe Buffay: What if the husband person is the wrong guy and you are the right guy? You don’t get chances like this all the time. If you don’t meet her now, you’ll kick yourself when you’re 80… which is hard to do and that’s how you break a hip.

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Joey Tribbiani: What’s going on?
Phoebe Buffay: We’re wondering if Chandler’s girlfriend is a girl.
Joey Tribbiani: Just ask her how long she’s gonna live. Women live longer than men.
Chandler Bing: How do you not fall down more?

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Phoebe Buffay (Ryan): Can you believe that’s how we spent our two weeks? We didn’t do the romantic things I’d planned… like having a picnic in Central Park and, you know, a coffee at Central Perk. Oh, I just got that.

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Phoebe Buffay: That’s my tattoo.
Rachel Green: That is not a tattoo. That is a nothing.
Phoebe Buffay: For your information, this is exactly what I wanted. This is a tattoo of the Earth as seen from a great, great distance. It’s the way my mother sees me from heaven.
Rachel Green: Oh, what a load of crap! That is a dot! Your mother’s in heaven going, “Where the hell’s my lily, you wuss!” That is not a tattoo! (Ross enters the room) This is a tattoo!
Ross Geller: You got a tattoo?
Rachel Green: Maybe. But just a little one. Phoebe got the whole world!

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(Phoebe is “possesed” by the spirit of Rose Adelman and meets with her husband to know, if there was any unfinished bussiness of hers she could help with…)
Mr. Adelman: She used to say that before she died, she wanted to see everything.
Phoebe Buffay: Everything?
Mr. Adelman: Everything.
Phoebe Buffay: Whoa. That’s a lot of stuff.
Mr. Adelman: Oh, wait, I… I remember she also said she wanted to sleep with me one last time.
Phoebe Buffay: I’m sorry. There’s laughing in my head.

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Phoebe Buffay: Here, you have to hold this. (hands him a piece of paper)
Chandler Bing: Okay. (reads the paper) “Brake, left. Gas, right”?
Phoebe Buffay: Uh-huh, that’s my cheat sheet.

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Quote from Friends 2x09 | Phoebe Buffay: Here, you have to hold this. (hands him a piece of paper) Chandler Bing: Okay. (reads the paper) "Brake, left. Gas, right"? Phoebe Buffay: Uh-huh, that's my cheat sheet.

Chandler Bing: All right, check out this bad boy! Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500-megabyte hard drive… built-in spreadsheet capabilities… and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS.
Phoebe Buffay: Wow. What are you gonna use it for?
Chandler Bing: Games and stuff.

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Quote from Friends 2x08 | Chandler Bing: All right, check out this bad boy! Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500-megabyte hard drive... built-in spreadsheet capabilities... and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS. Phoebe Buffay: Wow. What are you gonna use it for? Chandler Bing: Games and stuff.

Phoebe Buffay: I finally took your advice and asked him what was going on.
Joey Tribbiani: What did he say?
Phoebe Buffay: He said he understands how sex can be a very emotional thing for a woman. And he was just afraid that I was going to get all, you know: “Is he gonna call me the next day?” And “Where is this going?” and: (babbling bla bla….) So he said he wanted to hold off until he was prepared to be really serious.
Joey Tribbiani: Wow.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah. So I said, “Okay. Relax, please.” You know? I mean, sex can be just about two people right there in the moment. If he wants to see me again, he can call. If not, that’s fine too. So after a lot of talking, heh… I convinced him. Heh!
Joey Tribbiani: Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him. He got you to say he never has to call you again. And he got you thinking this is a great idea?
Phoebe Buffay: Uh-huh.
Joey Tribbiani: This man is my god.

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Phoebe Buffay: I’m not sexy enough.
Joey Tribbiani: Heh, Phoebe, that’s crazy. When I first met you, you know what I said to Chandler? I said, “Excellent butt, great rack.”
Phoebe Buffay: Really? That’s so sweet. I mean, I’m officially offended. But that’s so sweet.

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Phoebe Buffay: You have a third nipple?
Ross Geller: Whip it out. Whip it out.
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, yeah.
Chandler Bing: No, come on. There’s nothing to see. It’s just a tiny bump. It’s totally useless.
Rachel Green: Oh, as opposed to your other multifunctional nipples?

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Phoebe Buffay: Ross, could you just open your mind, like, this much? Okay? Wasn’t there a time when the brightest minds in the world believe the Earth was flat? And up till 50 years ago, you all thought the atom was the smallest thing… until you split it open and this whole mess of crap came out. Now, are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant that you can’t admit that there’s a teeny, tiny possibility that you could be wrong about this?
Ross Geller: There might be… a teeny… tiny… possibility.
Phoebe Buffay: I can’t believe you caved.
Ross Geller: What?
Phoebe Buffay: You just abandoned your whole belief system! Before, I didn’t agree with you, but at least I respected you.
Ross Geller: But…
Phoebe Buffay: How are you gonna go into work tomorrow? How are you going to face the other science guys? How are you going to face yourself? Oh…
(Ross is shocked and leaves…)
Phoebe Buffay: That was fun.

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Phoebe Buffay: I just don’t buy it.
Ross Geller: Excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Phoebe. Evolution is scientific fact, like the air we breathe… like gravity.
Phoebe Buffay: Okay, don’t get me started on gravity.

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Quote from Friends 2x03 | Phoebe Buffay: I just don't buy it. Ross Geller: Excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Phoebe. Evolution is scientific fact, like the air we breathe... like gravity. Phoebe Buffay: Okay, don't get me started on gravity.

Phoebe Buffay: Okay, it’s very faint, but I can still sense him in the building. (screaming): Go into the light, Mr. Heckles!
(everyone jumps up startled by her)
Chandler Bing: Okay, Phoebe.
Phoebe Buffay: I’m sorry, but sometimes they need help.

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(After Phoebe gives Monica the wrong haircut…)
Ross Geller: How’s the hair?
Phoebe Buffay: I’m not gonna lie to you, Ross. It doesn’t look good. I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling.
Joey Tribbiani: Can we see her?
Phoebe Buffay: Your hair looks too good. It would upset her. Ross, why don’t you come on in.

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Monica Geller: Hey, Pheebs. You know what I’m thinking?
Phoebe Buffay: Oh, okay. How… it’s been so long since you’ve had sex… you’re wondering if they’ve changed it?
Monica Geller: No. Although now that’s what I’m thinking.

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Phoebe Buffay Quotes

Phoebe Buffay is a character from Friends