J. Jonah Jameson: That's not all, folks. Here's the real blockbuster. Brace yourselves. You might wanna sit down.
(plays a video of Quentin Beck...)
Quentin Beck: Spider-Man's real... Spider-Man's real name is... Spider-Man's name is Peter Parker.
Peter Parker: What the fu...?
Betty Brant: You guys are so cute.
Peter Parker: Thanks. Uh... I was thinking we should all go on a double date or something.
Ned and Betty (at the same time): Oh, we broke up.
Peter Parker: No. What? Why?
Betty Brant: Men and women grow apart, but the journey they share together will always be a part of them.
MJ: I don't really have much luck when it comes to getting close to people. Um... So I lied. I wasn't just watching you because I thought you were Spider-Man.
Peter Parker: That's great.
MJ: Black dahlia, like the murder.
Peter Parker: The murder. Yeah. Heh. Sorry it's broken.
MJ: I actually like it better broken.
Peter Parker: I really like you.
MJ: I really like you too.
Happy Hogan: Last time, you got hit by a train.
Peter Parker: True, but this time... How do I explain this? Uh... I have like a sixth sense.
Happy Hogan: The Peter-tingle. That's what you're talking about, right? It's not working, though. I heard it wasn't working right now. Is it?
Peter Parker: It is working. I don't know if it's working...
Happy Hogan: You got the Peter-tingle. That's the plan. I'm gonna go get your friends. You get that Peter-tingle back online.
Peter Parker: I am Spider-Man. And I've really messed up.
MJ: Wait. You're b-being serious right now?
Peter Parker: Mm-hm.
MJ: You're 100 percent serious? Because it's not funny.
Peter Parker: No, I'm not joking.
MJ: Because I was only like 67 percent sure.
Peter Parker: MJ...
MJ: So why are you here? Why are you on this school trip?
Peter Parker: I know you have a lot of questions, but we have to get out of here, okay?
MJ: Okay. Okay. I can't believe I figured it out!
E.D.I.T.H.: E.D.I.T.H. stands for "Even dead, I'm the hero." Tony loved his acronyms.
Peter Parker: Yeah, he did.
Peter Parker: I'm sorry, you're saying there's a multiverse? 'Cause I thought that was theoretical. That changes how we understand the initial singularity. We're talking about an eternal inflation system. How does that even work with all the quantum...? It's insane. S-sorry. It's really cool.
Quentin Beck: Don't ever apologize for being the smartest one in the room.
Nick Fury: Stark left these for you.
Peter Parker: Really?
Nick Fury: "Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown." Stark said you wouldn't get that because it's not a Star Wars reference.
Peter Parker (to Beck): Excuse me, sir! I... I can help. Let me help. I'm really strong, and I'm sticky.
May Parker: Hungry? (throws banana at Peter and hits him in a face with it) So sorry. I thought you could sense that with your Peter-tingle.
Peter Parker: Please do not start calling it my Peter-tingle.
May Parker: So, what's up? You can dodge bullets but not bananas?
May Parker: You should pack your suit, just in case. I have a tingle about it.
Peter Parker: Please stop saying "tingle," May.
Happy Hogan: Oh, you look lovely.
May Parker: Thanks. You too.
Happy Hogan: Thank you. New dress?
May Parker: Yeah, yes, it is. It's a new beard.
Happy Hogan: It's my... My Blip beard. 'Cause I grew it in the Blip. It's a Blip beard.
May Parker: I see. Yeah.
Peter Parker: What just happened?
Peter Parker (to Tony): Hey! Holy cow! You will not believe what's been going on. Do you remember when we were in space? And I got all dusty? I must've passed out, because I woke up and you were gone. But Doctor Strange was there, right? And he was like... "It's been five years. Come on, they need us!" And then he started doing the yellow sparkly thing that he does all the time... What are you doing? (Tony huggs him) Oh, this is nice.