Amy Farrah Fowler: What the hell, Penny?!
Penny Hofstadter: I'm gonna need more than that.
Amy Farrah Fowler: You're not having kids? How could you do this to me?
Penny Hofstadter: How is it any of your business?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Because your kids were supposed to be friends with my kids. Who's gonna be friends with them now?
Penny Hofstadter: They will find other friends.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh, sure, 'cause Sheldon's DNA plus my DNA equals a kid who knows how to make friends. Grow up!
Amy's Mother (to Leonard): You are so naive. Blondie here is gonna chew you up and spit you out.
Penny Hofstadter: Well, don't tell him.
Leonard Hofstadter: Raj is on next.
Penny Hofstadter: All right. I can't believe they canceled Vampire Diaries but they'll show this.
Leonard Hofstadter: This is the news.
Penny Hofstadter: And that was a woman torn between two hunky vampires. What is your point?
Penny Hofstadter: Where are you going?
Amy's Mother: This whole thing was a big mistake. I'm gonna find Amy and get her out of here.
Penny Hofstadter: Sit down!
Amy's Mother: Excuse me?
Penny Hofstadter: Sheldon loves Amy, and he would never hurt her on her wedding day or any other day, so park it. (Sheldon's mother gets up a wants to start a slow clap) Oh, you sit down, too.
Amy's Mother (to her husband): Are you gonna let her talk to me like that? Say something.
Amy's Father (to Penny): Thank you.
(Penny and Amy are going through wedding magazines)
Amy Farrah Fowler: It's just so hard to tell what will look good on me.
Penny Hofstadter: No. This is just to give you ideas. You know, do-do you want something simple and elegant? I mean, do you want a train?
Sheldon Cooper: Ooh, we're talking about trains.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Not the kind of trains you like.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, I like all kinds of trains... steam, diesel, coal, elevated, bullet. I defy you to name a train that I don't like.
Penny Hofstadter: The kind on the back of a wedding dress?
Sheldon Cooper: I did not see that coming. Good job.
(Leonard gets a text)
Penny Hofstadter: Who is that?
Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon.
Penny Hofstadter: Who is he mad at?
Leonard Hofstadter: Neil Gaiman.
Penny Hofstadter: Who's that?
Leonard Hofstadter: Not us.
Penny Hofstadter: Great.
Sheldon Cooper: I suppose it is time I passed this on to Leonard.
Penny Hofstadter: Thank you.
Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, thanks. I-I know that's hard for you.
Sheldon Cooper: Well, it was. But you know what? Instead of being in charge, I can now be the vocal opposition, criticizing and badgering the president at every turn.
Amy Farrah Fowler: I think you'll be really good at that.
Sheldon Cooper: Me, too.
Leonard Hofstadter: I think I've made a huge mistake.
Penny Hofstadter: Me, too.
Leonard Hofstadter: I'm running for president of the tenants association and I could really use your vote.
Tenant: Uh, who's president now?
Penny Hofstadter: Uh, Sheldon Cooper. You know, about yay tall and about yay annoying.
Tenant: So you want me to vote against Sheldon Cooper?
Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah. You just need to show up at a meeting...
Tenant: Oh, no, no. No can do. He's got a restraining order against me.
Penny Hofstadter: Really? Why?
Tenant: Uh, I locked him on the roof once. (whispers): Three times.
Leonard Hofstadter: So you're gonna spend a day with Bill Gates. I'm a little jealous.
Penny Hofstadter: Well, I'm a little nervous. You know, if I do a good job, I'm hoping they'll consider me for a PR position that's opening up.
Leonard Hofstadter: Well, if you're nervous, I-I know a lot about him. I can fill you in or maybe come along, whatever.
Penny Hofstadter: I think I'll be okay.
Leonard Hofstadter: Well, I'm-I'm just saying, what are you gonna do when he wants to talk about high-level language interpreters for microcomputers?
Penny Hofstadter: What are high-level language interpreters for microcomputers?
Leonard Hofstadter: A way of programming computers using words and commands instead of binary code.
Penny Hofstadter: Oh. That's actually kind of interesting. Tell me more.
Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, well...
Penny Hofstadter: That, I'll do that.
Leonard Hofstadter: I didn't even see it coming.
Penny Hofstadter: Yeah, well... You never do.
Penny Hofstadter: You know, when my yoga instructor was pregnant, she told me there are tons of poses that put her right into labor.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: I'll try, but I feel like bendy poses are what got me into this mess.
Penny Hofstadter: Okay, we're gonna start with some nice breathing exercises.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Sorry. I can't think of anything except how flat your belly is.
Penny Hofstadter: Oh, thank you.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Go put on some more clothes, you bitch.
Penny Hofstadter: What's that noise?
Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, it's my new keyboard. It looks and sounds like an old-fashioned typewriter. It makes me feel like a real novelist.
Penny Hofstadter: You poured yourself a Scotch.
Leonard Hofstadter: Apple juice.
Penny Hofstadter: Oh.
Leonard Hofstadter: But unsweetened, like Hemingway used to drink.
Sheldon Cooper: That is a list of all the different types of natural disasters.
Penny Hofstadter: “Fire-quake”?
Sheldon Cooper: I made that one up. Which I shouldn't have, because now I'm scared of it.