Loki Laufeyson Quotes

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Mobius: Did you watch any of the training videos you were supposed to?

Loki: Well, as many as I could stand. Your TVA propaganda is exhausting.

TVA Soldier: And what do these do?

Loki: Reset charges prune the affected radius of a branched timeline, allowing time to heal all its wounds. Which sounds like a nice way of saying disintegrate everything in its vicinity.

Mobius: He's on it.

Loki: I watched the videos. I mean, some of them.

Mobius: We're looking for a Loki. A variation of this guy. A type we should all be very familiar with, because the TVA has pruned a lotta these guys, almost more than any other Variant. And no two are alike. Slight differences in appearances, or not so slight. Different powers, although, powers, generally include shape-shifting, illusion-projection, and my favorite...

Loki: Duplication-casting.

Mobius: Illusion-projection.

Loki: No, they're two completely different powers actually.

Mobius: How?

Loki: Illusion-projection involves depicting a detailed image from outside oneself, which is perceptible in the external world, whereas duplication-casting entails recreating an exact facsimile of one's own body in its present circumstance, which acts as a true holographic mirror of its molecular structure. But you already knew that.

Mobius: Okay, take a breath. Noted. We're gonna break into two teams, including myself and Professor Loki.

Hunter B-15: We've grabbed enough temporal aura to know it's our Loki Variant. But which kind of Loki, remains unknown.

Loki: They're the lesser kind, to be clear.

Mobius: Listen, I can't offer you salvation, but maybe I can offer you something better. A fugitive Variant's been killing our Minutemen.

Loki: And you need the God of Mischief to help you stop him?

Mobius: That's right.

Loki: Why me?

Mobius: The Variant we're hunting is... you.

Loki: I beg your pardon?

Loki: I don't enjoy hurting people. I... I don't enjoy it. I do it because I have to, because I've had to.

Mobius: Okay, explain that to me.

Loki: Because it's part of the illusion. It's the cruel, elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear.

Mobius: A desperate play for control. You do know yourself.

Loki: A villain.

Mobius: That's not how I see it.

Loki: What? Infinity Stones? How... How do you have these?

Casey: Oh, We actually get a lot of those. Yeah. Some of the guys use them as paperweights. Some of 'em.

Loki (looks around): Is this the greatest power in the universe?

Loki: Give me the Tesseract, or I'll gut you like a fish, Casey.

Casey: What's a fish? (Loki shushes him, Casey whispers): What's a fish?

Loki: How do you not know what a fish is?

Casey: I've lived my entire life behind a desk.

Loki: Well, what difference does it make?

Casey: I wanna know exactly what I'm being threatened with before I comply.

Loki: Death, Casey. Violent, painful death.

Casey: Okay, okay. I comply, I comply. I comply. Jeez!

Loki: I was just standing up to make a point.

Mobius: I'm sorry, go ahead.

Loki: It won't be as meaningful now.

Mobius: Okay, well, stay seated.

Loki: I'll do what I want to do!

Mobius: I'm wondering why does someone with so much range just wanna rule?

Loki: I would've made it easy for them.

Mobius: People like easy.

Loki: The first and most oppressive lie ever uttered was the song of freedom.

Mobius: How's that one go?

Loki: For nearly every living thing, choice breeds shame and uncertainty and regret. There's a fork in every road, yet the wrong path always taken.

Mobius: Good. Yeah. You said "nearly every living thing," so I'm guessing you don't fall into that category?

(Loki laughs...)

Loki: Are you taking me somewhere to kill me?

Mobius: No. That's where you just were. I'm taking you some place to talk.

Loki: I don't like to talk.

Mobius: But you do like to lie, which you just did. Because we both know you love to talk. Talkie-talkie.

Ravonna Renslayer: Laufeyson. Variant L1130, AKA Loki Laufeyson, is charged with sequence violation 7-20-89. How do you plead?

Loki: Madam, a god doesn't plead. This has been a very enjoyable pantomime, but I'd like to go home now.

Ravonna Renslayer: Are you guilty or not guilty, sir?

Loki: Guilty of being the God of Mischief? Yes. Guilty of finding all this incredibly tedious? Yes. Guilty of a crime against the Sacred Timeline? Absolutely not, you have the wrong person.

Paperwork Clerk: Please sign to verify this is everything you've ever said.

(Moves pile of papers closer to Loki...)

Loki: What?

(A paper prints out with the sentence "What?" on it and the clerk adds it to the pile...)

Paperwork Clerk: Sign this, too.

Loki: Oh, this is absurd.

(And another papers prints out...)

Paperwork Clerk: And this.

Hunter B-15: Log this as evidence. (gives him the Tesseract)

Casey: Oh... Can you at least tell me what it is?

Loki: It's the Tesseract. Be very careful with it.

Casey: It sounds dumb.

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